A Celebration

It was an emotional occasion, a graduation party for a senior going off to college.
I am sure for most grad parties - the occasion calls for friends, food and games. But Indian grad parties tend to be a family affair. They invite not just the kids but parents and family from far and wide attend.

This particular party was a special one, mainly because of her accomplishments in spite of having a brother who has autism. Some of her accomplishments include having a 4.0 GPA which helped in her getting a scholarship to the medical program, learning Bharatanatyam culminating in her arangetram and raising $25,000 for Team Autism during the Detroit marathon.

Why did this celebration affect me so much? Probably because it made me aware that if you want something bad enough, you can achieve it - you just have to work towards it and have the right attitude.

Having a brother who has autism means that a lot of your parents attention is diverted - yet that did not stop her from getting a 4.0. Coming from a north Indian family that does not understand Tamil did not stop her from pursuing a style of dance that culminated in her arangetram -which is a huge achievement. Her love for dance and perseverance got her through. The love for her brother and creating an awareness for autism so that a cure maybe found is what goaded her to help in organizing the Team Autism for the marathon.

When her family, that had traveled from all over the world - Hong Kong, Canada, India - along with family from around the United States, came up to say how proud of her they were - it brought tears to my eyes. So much hope they have in this child and so much she will do - because she is determined and her heart is in the right place. We are so proud of you Nina. May you succeed in everything that you do and God Bless.

Peer Pressure

I am sure you remember how hard it was to go against the peer pressure. You always went with what your friends thought of you. I would say now that you are older and wiser that it does not matter any more. But the reality is that before you were young and foolish and now you are old and more foolish.

It does not matter - you are an adult and now it is the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. This is evident especially when the newspaper articles are all about learning to cope in this tight economy. The articles in the newspaper are telling people in bold letters to go apply for unemployment. Stop trying to be brave and get the support while you support the family.

The articles are reiterating that there is nothing wrong with reducing your Starbucks and getting coffee from home, bring your lunch instead of buying lunch, and cutting cable so that you can feed your family. There is nothing wrong with teaching your kids the value of money, there is nothing wrong with standing up to your friends and telling them you would rather go home and eat than go out and eat.

I guess if adults are finding it hard, how do you expect the kids to learn from it. After all they learn by example and watching you - not what you tell them. So it does not matter if you are an adult or child - have the courage of conviction to stand up to your beliefs after all character is built during adversity.

Youngsters

George Bernard Shaw was right when he said "It's all that the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date."

It suddenly hit me as we go graduation party hopping that I am going to be short one teenager next year. Which means my younger one will have to figure things out on his own. I don't think that hit any of us until today.

Poor guy! I am not sure how much facebook and phones are going to help, but from what I have seen - not a whole lot. This was a one year notice into how things are going to be - we have to plan accordingly. I had to ask my high schooler to give me tips on what to do to survive. She was giving me tips. She may have to write a book on how her brother has to survive high school.

I don't know how parents with more than 2 children handle it. Every time I miss a date or deadline because of an overwhelming schedule, I feel guilty and miserable thinking I failed them. I wonder how the parents with 4 and 5 kids manage. They must be extremely organized and have lots of help.

I wait to hear from the kids on all the things that go on - the new technology and gadgets that most teenagers cannot seem to live without. I do rely on them t keep me informed. As far as shocking me - I think every generation just gets worse. It is a question of what you will put up with and what rules you have. And no matter how much they whine , kids love rules.

So as far as surviving high school - how do you do it - plan and execute with extreme care. I wish all of us the very best.

Graduation Season

The month of June and July is extremely busy with a flurry of graduation parties.

In this part of the world, the tradition is to host an open house for high school graduation. Friends drop in, say hi, give a token gift, eat food, see the pictures and go to the next grad party.

Interesting observation was that if you go to the American grad parties - the guest are all kids - meaning the friends of the graduating senior. There are no adults - meaning there are no adults accompanying their child to a friend's graduation party unless of course it is to an Indian grad party.

It must be the culture, cause everything is a family affair including the grad party. It truly is a mixed crowd - cause you have the non Indian kids who come alone and the Indian kids who come with their parents. Most of the kids dress casually while some do dress up. There is tons of food - after all the teenage crowd is a hungry one, and volleyball to keep the kids occupied and of course chai.

I was chatting with another parent when we were wondering where the chai was. It was on the table earlier but seemed to have since disappeared. Not finding any in the vicinity, I went and asked the help and came back with a steaming cups of chai. Never underestimate the power of chai. I had people come up to me asking me where I found the chai - there is just something about a cup of steaming hot chai on a cool summer evening that makes it just perfect.

As we sipped our perfect cup of tea we were struck with the difference in the generations. This class of 2010 have no fear. The world is their oyster and they have grandiose plans. We, growing up, I know had plans too but for some reason it did not sound as lofty as the current graduating class. It must be the age. So bold, so carefree so idealistic.

This was the first time I heard of a doctor not wanting his son to follow in his footsteps. He did not want his son to be saddled with a 300 thousand dollar loan and with no guarantee of a job especially with health care going the way it is now. We as parents must do our duty and make them aware of the pitfalls of certain decisions.

They all have lofty goals and plan to do great things I wish them all the very best of luck - after all they are the future.

If I knew then what I know now

I was at a class when I heard the teacher say 'if only I could go back into my childhood and relive it knowing what I know now, it would be so cool!'

I agree. The first thing I would tell my parents is not to compare me to anyone. (Actually I did but they never listened.) I would tell them to compare me to the me from yesterday. Am I not a better person since yesterday? I can totally see the look on their faces.

I would be the coolest person if I knew Parkinson's law then. I knew about Peters' Principle but I missed the one about Parkinson - you know the one that says that time and complexity expands to fill the time you have allotted to it. So if I had known about it - I could have saved myself so much misery and just finished the work - instead of worrying about it.

Which brings me to to the next one - worry does not get you anywhere. You lose sleep, some lose hair. I lose sleep, still have most of my hair - but I just thought that because the adults always worried, it was the adult thing to do.

Energy follows thought. I wish I knew that. I would have been thinking amazing things. Actually I did, I just did not know it.

I am sure if my mother saw this right now she would say - 'Isn't that what I have been telling you all these years? Why didn't you listen?'

I thought I did mom, but I can hear you now.