Stereotypes

I watched a movie of Adam Sandler called Don't mess with the Zohan - a stereotypical movie that literally makes the cliche's come to life. A spoof on the life of Arab and Israelis living in America and the life of an immigrant.

It was funny - to me it was - I am not sure if a Middle Eastern saw it what they would think. It was light hearted and silly but I am not sure if my neighbour would appreciate it or maybe he would be OK with it - after all he is living in America.

I live in a multicultural neighbourhood - we have all the races, actually Caucasian may be a minority. The kids all go to the same school on the same bus. They don't see color when they see their friends, they see the person for who they are.

One day as we went for a walk we noticed the number of lights and motion sensor lights at the neighbour. We heard it was because some kids were vandalizing their property and harassing them. I had no idea since I live next door and never heard a thing.

You would think that once you come to America there would not be this kind of behaviour. You should be able to live without fear. However from what is happening around me, it looks like it is easy to target those that fall under the stereotypes.
Sad because it is the kids who are doing this - and all that because of fear. Even sadder is it is not the true nature of the kids but what they hear from the adults.
Everyone is scared and it is easy to hate and bully than try and all get along.

Actually if you look beyond the suspicion - everyone is just trying to make a living. Here in America - you can achieve so much - everyone is trying to follow their dreams.

So live and let live.

Romance

There is nothing wrong in believing in Happily Ever After. I am a die hard romantic. I get made fun of a lot because I believe in romance. I admit, it is my guilty pleasure - reading romance novels. But I have to defend it - it makes you look at the world in a whole new perspective.

I don't think there is anything wrong in believing in romance -just because other people don't believe in it does not mean it does not exist.

Reading those romance novels is like opening Pandora's box. It gives you hope that the good things in the world do exist, there is abundance for everyone and the good people do win. A positive person cannot survive in negativity for long, they cannot gossip about people and find pleasure in other's misery. When you are in a situation like that it drains you, you are exhausted and depressed. Watching the news is just as depressing - all you hear is of plane crashed, deaths, murders and scams.

So now you say that in real life you have problems - well, in almost very story there is a hero and a heroine and there is a conflict or many conflicts. It is the resolving of the conflicts and the process that they take to resolve the conflict that makes it interesting. Of course it does make it fun if the hero is tall and dark and handsome and rich but at the end of the day it is the person inside that counts - what kind of character he/she is and how does he/she perceive the world. the interesting thing is art imitates life - a lot of those stories are based on people that do exist. For a writer - it is such freedom to create the character you want and make it behave the way you think it should.

I have heard many a time that life is not fair - but life is fair, you just don't know all the facts. In a romance novel - the facts all are presented to you at one time so the conflict resolution is easy.

Some say it is an escapism - but then so is television isn't it? A good escapism is my mind. I get to meet all these characters that I had no idea existed and I get to find out how they resolved a conflict and I don't have to wait till next week or ads to find out what happened next. Sounds like a plug for reading doesn't it? Hey if the shoe fits...

Happy 4th of July

You know it is the 4th of July because there are fireworks and barbecues firing up everywhere, bug spray is selling like hot cakes and teenagers are up late since they don't have to go to school the next day - yup its summer too.

The newspapers, websites and TV talk about the importance of Independence day but I feel somehow after 233 years it has become more of the official celebration of summer than the importance of Independence.

You have to agree we have come a long way - it sure took a while before women got the right to vote and it will be a while before we elect a woman president but at least we have a black president - that sure took a while.

We are busy fighting wars in other countries and helping them gain independence. You have to give credit to the men and women of the armed forces for doing their job and keeping our borders safe along with helping other countries gain independence.
Not easy following orders when you may not agree with the philosophy - it takes a special training for that.

God Bless America and happy 4th everyone!

Pay it forward

If you have not heard of this concept - I am sure you will soon enough.

When you have a little bit of prosperity or good fortune - you make sure you share it with others who need it. I never paid much attention to it until we had the dance program this weekend. Now most people have no clue what all goes on backstage, until something falls apart. A lot of coordination between the sound, light, curtains etc is happening between the control booth at the back of the auditorium and the back stage. That is just the stage part.

Then you have the dancer who has to go back stage in between items and she needs the touch up and water and morale boosts before she goes out again. The crew backstage changes every time - the last person who was on stage is the one who is backstage the next time. This gives them a chance to return the favor the the next person who is on stage plus it helps since they know how it felt to be at the receiving end. pay it forward.

Now in the Detroit area - the Goodwill Industries have something similar - you put a dollar in an envelope and sign your name and pass it on. Each person puts in a dollar or more and passes it on to the next person until you have 25 people. Once that happens you mail the envelope to Goodwill industries. They will use the money for retraining, for those who were laid off. A noble gesture in an area where the layoffs have hit hard. You never know when you will be a recipient of that help.
Pay it forward.

The Paranoid Optimist

Have you ever heard of the paranoid optimist? Well, if you have not - you can meet one here, namely, yours truly. Now you may ask - would that not be a pessimist?
And I would answer - no. There truly is a difference.

A pessimist is one who always sees the glass half empty. They see the misery versus the joy in everything. Where as an optimist looks at every thing in a new light. They see the glass as half full and enjoy everything they do.

So what is a paranoid optimist. Very simply - sometimes they just cannot believe that good things can happen to them. So they look at the good things that happen and wait for something or someone to say something against it while it is still new. However if that does not happen - they enjoy the moment.

Isn't that what you should do anyway - Enjoy the moment!

Pet Peeves

I had no idea that some things bothered me. I think I am a pretty easy going person, you know go with the flow. But lately I find myself getting ticked off with people for reasons that apparently bother just me. I am sure there are others that feel the same as me but I had to write it down. So here are my top 10 - doing it David Letterman style

10. Rude children - I am sorry if your parents did not teach you any manners but please do not be rude to me. I am the adult and I don't have to put up with it.

9.Not replying personal emails or voice mails - I called or wrote to you because there was a reason. If you do not have the courtesy to return my calls, then we have nothing to talk about do we?

8. Adults being rude to kids - Hello! you are the adult here, how do you expect to gain any respect or be a role model if you behave like that?

7. Not returning borrowed items - if you took something of mine, please return it. When I take something of yours I take care of it like my own- so can you please do the same?

6. Being fake - Don't tell me it looks good when it does not. Go on, tell me I can take it.

5. Hypocrisy - so one rule for you and another for everyone else? I don't think so. Walk the talk otherwise get out of the way.

4. Cussing - so you think you are cool because you can cuss a blue streak? Guess again - you just lost all my respect for you because you just lost control. Try again.

3. Taking advantage of children and old people - Please, why don't you find someone your own age instead of picking on the babies or the elderly.

2. Taking everyone for granted - don't do that, it ticks people off.

1. I cannot stand it when people break their promises, especially to kids. If you are not planning to keep it - then don't make them in the first place.

So do you have any?

Happy Father's Day!

If you ask anyone outside the United States about father's Day - they would not have a clue. Technically there are only 6 holidays a year that everyone gets. However there are a slew of other holidays that we call Hallmark Holidays - a phrase coined so that you have an excuse to buy a greeting card from Hallmark - the greeting card company.

I never thought of the importance of having a dad, I just assumed you have to have one. After all isn't a family a mom and a dad and kids? So every time I heard of a family that lost their dad - I felt sad for them but never realized why.

Now as I look back I see who I am and how I approach life is based on the interactions and conversations with my Dad. Honesty, integrity and courage of conviction is an integral part of every decision he takes. And always keep your promises otherwise don't make them. When I make decisions I try to use the same approach.

For every girl, her Dad is her hero. At that age everything looks so big - so many things to learn - swimming, riding a bike, playing soccer, basketball, cricket, climbing a tree or building a tree house - he was there. Not to forget the intellectual side of things - reading, writing and 'arithmetic - he was there for that. So much to discuss at the dining table - business, politics, life - he was an integral part of that too. Talk about ideas, not people - he says even now. Time I spend with my Dad is precious - he was always busy - but he always made time. Everything that he did was adventure. I wanted to be part of that. Today he is still having his adventure and now he asks me when will I make time for him.

Dads are like the foundation, the solid rock that is there beneath your feet while you try and scale new heights. You do well and they cannot stop bragging about you, they want you to go beyond what they ever have and they will do anything to give you want you want, but you do stupid things and they will tell you how disappointed they are in you, you don't follow instructions and they badger you until you do, you do things without telling them and they are hurt, yet they always love you for you who you are, after all you are his child.

So for all the years we had before and all the years yet to come -

Happy Father's Day Pappa!

Its Summer Vacation!

You can say that again. I can hear the parents groan as they try and figure out ways to keep the kids busy and I can hear the kids groan as they are told to do stuff.

What a joyful time of year - the birds are out in full swing, the sun rises earlier, the days are longer and no homework. Wait, actually I should take that back - there is plenty of homework - how much is assigned by the teacher and how much by the parents is a different issue.

If you ask my preteen he will say summer is one long weekend. Play video games, watch tv and do nothing. There was a time when summer vacation meant going to see grandparents, jumping in the lake, climbing trees, going on a picnic, watching movies, staying up late and telling ghost stories. I think it still is - its just that you have to take the time to plan and make sure it happens.

So what else can you do to recreate the summer of your childhood? I have to include camping, watching movies outside, lying on a hammock and drinking a tall glass of iced tea, gardening, the fragrance of jasmine, running through the sprinklers, writing with chalk on the sidewalk, blowing bubbles, biking, eating watermelon and having a seed spitting contest to name a few. What triggers your memory?

Control

Everyone seems to want it, half of them cannot keep it and the rest are fighting for it - I am talking about control.

When you look at history, wars have been fought and kingdoms have been razed because of it. I guess it is part of human nature to be in control - but there is a limit to it too. You have to know when to let it go and when it really matters.

People get sick when they are not in control - but some things are just not meant to be. There is a rhythm to the universe. Follow the rhythm and everything will flow. Fight it and you will be fighting everything coming at you.

Don't you love it when you go on vacation and you can just sit on the water and not have to worry about anything. Life is the same way - there is flow to it - just sit back, relax and enjoy! It all works out in the end.

How you do one thing is how you do everything

If you have ever heard the adage 'how you do one thing is how you do everything' - you should know it is totally true.

I never realized it until someone mentioned that to me and I started to be conscious about it. How I approach a problem is how I think, is how I analyze, is how I keep my room, my bathroom, my office table, my kitchen counter, my house or the folders in my email or the directories on my computer or my purse.

Hee hee hee - if any of you know me you know you will find anything. But the way you keep stuff is a reflection of your state of mind. So if you have a million plans running through your head - you can be rest assured you have a number of half finished projects also around your house.

Now I never thought you could unlearn that messy way - but you can. Ask any engineer. There is a method to their madness. Every task is broken down into samller achievable tasks and analyzed and completed. No new task is started until the previous task is finished.

If you are the kind that needs small frequent meals you probably work on numerous projects for short periods of time. Your stamina can only keep you going for so long. But if you are the kind that needs 4 solid meals - you probably work on some heavy duty projects and your energy is sucked up by that.

It has to do with the kind of energy that surrounds you - the calm kind or the restless kind. Your personality dictates it - however in order to make the change you have to first recognize it. They say that after many years of marriage the spouses start to behave like each other - I guess as long as it is the good stuffit is fine.

I have to say that I find a less frenzied aura when things are kept where they should be, plans completed, beds made, counters wiped, documents filed and files organized. I just ahve to get used to it.

What ever happened to world peace?

What in the world is happening to everyone? You hear about white supremacist killing because he hated the Jews and people in Australia hating the immigrants and beating them up.

Why can't people just live and let live? If you work hard, you should get rewarded. If you don't work then don't expect to get rewarded. Why do you have to get rewarded just because you found a way to beat the system? And why is that something to be proud of anyway?

A few years ago the world was huge and people and countries were very far away. But in this day and age with computers, twitter, Facebook and a score of other social networking the world has become so much smaller. News travels faster, be it good news or bad news.

Today, you may be of Indian origin and may never have even been to India. You could be Black, Jewish and live in Netherlands - it does not matter. The boundaries of race, country and religious background have blurred. There are inter religious, inter racial and even same sex marriages. Get with the program people or you will become like Miss California who got fired. Of course the official reason was for not stepping up to the plate.

What does it matter what the other people are doing as long as they are doing an honest day's work? If you are unhappy about something, it is because of something within you. Help others and you will feel better. Not beat and kill others - violence never really solved anything anyway. Did it?

The Dreamer

We were young and spoke of dreams

of far away places and big things to come

We pondered and planned

and never worried of how it would work

Life has its way of testing our resolve

with people with a shallow mind and attract our attention

If we pass or fail depends on the path we take

But did we fail or was it just meant to be

There were so many things to do, places to go and people to see

and all those interactions made us who we are

Are we not a sum total of our experiences?

But in all that time I never forgot any of my dreams

I still ponder and plan

And I realize that I never really stopped dreaming

If I knew then what I know now

I was at a class when I heard the teacher say 'if only I could go back into my childhood and relive it knowing what I know now, it would be so cool!'

I agree. The first thing I would tell my parents is not to compare me to anyone. (Actually I did but they never listened.) I would tell them to compare me to the me from yesterday. Am I not a better person since yesterday? I can totally see the look on their faces.

I would be the coolest person if I knew Parkinson's law then. I knew about Peters' Principle but I missed the one about Parkinson - you know the one that says that time and complexity expands to fill the time you have allotted to it. So if I had known about it - I could have saved myself so much misery and just finished the work - instead of worrying about it.

Which brings me to to the next one - worry does not get you anywhere. You lose sleep, some lose hair. I lose sleep, still have most of my hair - but I just thought that because the adults always worried, it was the adult thing to do.

Energy follows thought. I wish I knew that. I would have been thinking amazing things. Actually I did, I just did not know it.

I am sure if my mother saw this right now she would say - 'Isn't that what I have been telling you all these years? Why didn't you listen?'

I thought I did mom, but I can hear you now.

Watching and waiting

Sometimes it seems that GM was used to set an example for the rest of the world. Hurry up and fix your problems or we will fix it for you.

The worst recession definitely did not help and every day that passed GM was getting deeper and deeper into trouble. So after a thorough tongue lashing from Congress, the government stepped in and provided the required funding and help on the condition that they have to meet certain requirements. It was a tough negotiation but on June 1 2009 General Motors, a company that had turned 100 years old, filed for bankruptcy and was taken off the NY stock exchange. It was history in the making.

For the next few months all eyes will be on GM or Government Motors, as it is called in whispers, to see if they really can survive. But will they? Of course they will, they have to. After all there is a whole industry relying on them to be successful. Why I say that GM was used as an example is because none of the other car companies are exactly rolling in dough. They are also having similar troubles as GM except they could get the funding that they needed without it being broadcast on national television.

I think GM is going through now what would have happened 5 years into the future. Bad decisions, and being complacent in the market place would have forced them to downsize and become competitive. This whole saga was a shake up to the entire automotive industry. Get up and do something before somebody else does it for you.

This whole transition is hard on a lot of us who live in the Midwest and survive in the automotive market. But it is a wake up call to most of us - reminding us that we cannot be complacent in life - whether it is our work, family or life.

Keep innovating, bring in fresh ideas, stretch yourself, shift your paradigm, move your cheese and you will be ahead of the game.

Best of luck GM! We are all waiting to see you come out of this with flying colors.

Memory

Isn't it odd the things you remember? For some you remember things from the long ago that have been etched in your brain, for others the experiences from the past have been erased and you only remember the here and now and for some you only choose to remember what you want to.

I fall in the last category. Maybe it is human nature - you remember those experiences that were pleasant. The brain catalogs it and keeps it safely. Be it a smell, a food, a thought, a picture,a scene,a sound a color or a song. Then at some point when you encounter something similar - you have this feeling of dejavu and wonder why it is so familiar.

I never questioned why I remember certain things and not others. I thought everyone did that. But much later I realized that everyone remembers something different. I cannot remember what outfit I wore last week - but I know plenty of other people who will tell me that. Unpleasant experiences were wiped out from my short term memory and stored in cold storage. But the brain has the ability to bring it to the forefront when you are in a position to handle it.

Unpleasant experiences in my childhood bubbled to the surface once I reached adulthood and I was able to deal with it. Pleasant memories stick to you throughout your life. Every time I smell jasmine it transports me to a world of warm summer nights. Some dates ( mm/dd/yy kind of date) never leave your head either.You only know it is important, but you don't know why you remember.

There must be something with the number 23 - cause that seems to be the number of years for me before past memories bubble up and start to make sense. But the date makes sense now - the date is a birthday of a close friend from high school.

I wonder what else my memory has in store for me.

What if....

What if you could change the past - what would be the one thing that you would go back and change?

When you are a teenager you are still trying to figure out who you are and what your strengths and weaknesses are. You still don't know who your friends are. Don't they say that adversity brings out the true character of a person? How do you know what your character is? How do you if you are making the right decision? What if you make the wrong decision? How would it affect your life or other people's life?

What answer would you give to the questions above? If someone says 'I did not have a choice' - wrong answer. We all have choices. Every decision you make you have a choice. Depending on the choice you make determines the path that life takes on.

Can you change the past? No. But you can make sure you never make the same mistake again. You can sincerely apologize for your stupidity. And you hope your kids learn from your mistakes.

Isn't that why pencils have erasers? So you can fix your mistakes?

Time flies

When you send out a query to the universe, you can be certain you will get an answer. A few weeks ago I was thinking about my high school friends and wondered what they were up to. The reason for thinking about them was a discussion between my high schooler and definition of 'friends'.

in high school - friends seem to define your existence. But what happens after high school has nothing to do with them. You go to college based on your interest, pursue a career based on where you want to go or what life dishes out along the way. You may or may not keep in touch with your friends. Some innocuous remark by some random person in high school is probably what fired up your passion or dimmed what what you wanted to do. Now as you look back more than 20 years since you graduated high school you wonder where you are and what have you accomplished.

How do you define success? Do big titles and lots of money define you? Or does the size of your house or number of cars define you? Or are you still the same passionate person who you were in high school? Are you still the same person who took people at face value and looked beyond their handicaps? Did you confine to the norms and do your duty? Or did you define your own path? Are you happy doing what you are doing or are you till finding out who you are?

For me success is a state of mind. Have I helped people? Yes. Am I judgemental? No.
Are you still learning? You better believe it. Does money and status define who you are? No. So are you still finding out who you are? Sometimes I know who I am and what I need to do but sometimes I have to ask that question - where am i going and what do I want from life.

So my query was answered. A couple days ago I get a note asking if I was the same person who they thought I was who graduated from high school that many years ago. As I get in touch with old friends it is going to be an interesting journey to see where they are and how they got there.

State of the economy and mens underwear

Who would have thought but apparently according to Alan Greenspan - the state of men's underwear is an indication of the state of the economy.

I really would not have thought of that - but I guess if the spouse did not replace it or you did not go out and get more meaning that you can hang on to a holey pair of stretched elastic and thin cotton for some more time - then you are not confident enough to go out and spend.

So I wonder what happens to the fancy women's underwear - of course for most of us we can never have enough underwear. I am sure there are those of you who would rather go out an buy new underwear than do laundry.

Michael Brush from MSN money talks about the odd indicators about the state of the economy. Some include the falling and rising of hemlines, the halter tops versus the blouses and baring midriffs.

I am sure if you look at how people look at entertainment will also give you an indication. The cheapest way to have fun - not that there is anything wrong with it - go to a park, have a picnic, eat hot dogs, buy ice cream ride a bike or play Frisbee versus going on a cruise or out to dinner.

I think the recession has given everyone an opportunity to enjoy the simpler things in life. Enjoy!

Patience...

...is a virtue. A very good character to have and very hard to attain. It could be almost a requirement for business, very necessary for teachers and for the current generation.

However it can be seen as non aggressive and taken advantage of. I look at it as if it did not happen it was not meant to be. In this day and age of instant gratification - it is rare that you see that kind of patience. Most people associate it being old - it could be since it takes practise - but it does have something to do with your inner peace.

If you mind is like a drunken monkey jumping from idea to idea - you will not have the patience to see one idea come to fruition. We don't even have the patience to cook food from scratch - we use the ready made and frozen dinners. having patience soothes agitated minds, helps business negotiations, produces delicious foods and gives a child a chance to learn.

So keep that in mind while you stand in your queue, slow cook or watch your child learn something new.

Chapter 11 - it is for real

Today was a very sad day. A historic day but a sad one. General Motors officially applied for bankruptcy and has been taken off the Dow Jones for the first time in 83 years. GM just celebrated their 100th year last year. It is now Government Motors - but not for long.

The only people who really understand the pain of what they are going through are those that are in the industry and their families. Fritz Henderson, CEO of GM (or would that be Barack Obama now since the government owns the company), was emotionally choked up as he gave the grim news to all his staff this morning. For most of the people who worked at GM there was a legacy - their dads, moms, family had worked there in some capacity and/or they were passionate about cars.

Now with plants closing and more jobs scheduled for layoffs, many suppliers are going out of business. They tried so hard not to go into Chapter 11 but it did not work. The pain and the humiliation is similar to when you lose your home after you have tried everything to save it.

But what does not kill you makes you stronger and this step in the history of General Motors is what will make it come back to life kicking and screaming.
Here is hoping for the best.