Expectations

One is told that you should not have expectations, then you won't get disappointed.
But that is a hard concept to overcome. Even as adults you expect so much because you assume other people will follow through. But how do you explain that to a child?

How do you teach a child not to have expectations when you tell him you have high expectations of him? There is something wrong in that whole equation. If you look at human behaviour, your expectations are based on assumptions. Your assumptions are based on past behaviour. Your behaviour is based on training and how you have been brought up. Your training is based on your past experiences and your bringing up is based on your parents' belief system. So there are a lot of factors that go into this.

One thing you realize is that you cannot change people. You can only change yourself. So if you never want to be disappointed then you have to be the person who never disappoints. Like Mahatma Gandhi says 'be the change you want to be'.

You have to project to the universe the person you want to be so that people of similar nature are attracted to you. There will always be people who disappoint, but then again you cannot change them. Don't get stuck in that rut cause you may never get out.

So be the person you want to be and project that into the universe.

Pounding pavement

So, I decided not to fall for that constant conversation in my head and run outside instead of indoor.

From advice given to me by seasoned runners - I should do my long distance running outside - gives you a feel for when you run the whole course. Good advice because the mind was so distracted with everything else going around you - there was no time to whine.

One of the advantages of running outside you have to keep going. Why? Because even if you decide you are tired you still have to make your way back home. Unless of course if you have someone following you in a car who can take you home or call someone to pick you up.

Another advantage - fresh air. when the weather is good, it could be a beautiful day to run. Fill up your lungs with the smell of summer - be it flowers, freshly mowed lawns or barbecue on the grill.

Some run with headphones on - I don't think it is a good idea since you have to be alert about your surroundings. It might work in a gym where you are trying to find things to keep you going.

How far did I run - I am not sure - still have to work it out - but I ran longer than I was at the gym and was less tired - does that mean I am getting stronger - probably.

Now to figure out how to get rid of the boredom while running.

Bringing up Kids

It is a very scary and daunting task - bringing up children and getting them prepared to face the world fraught of all kinds of dangers, teaching them to make the right decision, learning from their mistakes.

It is also the most rewarding of tasks you will ever do in your entire life or lives. I have utmost respect for those parents who do it alone and for those who adopt. It takes a special kind of person with a big heart to be able to adopt and raise kids, and if those kids are physically or mentally challenged - more power to them.

The hardest thing for a parent is stand by and watch their children make mistakes knowing that some things they have to figure out on their own. Even harder is for a parent to outlive their children.

A point that was constantly driven to me - you only have one chance to raise your kids - once that chance is over - nothing you do can ever make up for it. Another point was children watch and learn so they learn by example. Do what you want them to do so that they can see how you react and make decisions - actions speak louder than words. The problems don't go away once the children get older - the problems just get bigger with them.

Once a mom, always a mom right?

To work or not to work...

I am sure there are countless mothers who go through this dilemma in their lives - do I go to work or do I stay home and raise kids?

For some there is not much of a choice - you have to pay bills and put food on the table - you have to go to work. For some others it is a choice - only one spouse can have a demanding career and yet for some it is a calculated choice - I stay home now with the baby and go back to work when the kids go back to school.

In the European countries, women are encouraged to stay home and raise their kids, and in some cultures it is a given. In the United States there are both - women who stay home and those who try and do it all. Nothing wrong with either in my opinion, however it is a question of balance.

When the kids are babies - they need their mothers - obviously. Nobody will look after their baby like their own unless it is the mom. But at times you will end up leaving your child with a baby sitter - because you have no one else around to help. The sad part is that those who are responsible for caring your most precious possession in the whole wide world is paid below minimum wage yet they have such a huge responsibility.

As the kids get older and they go to school, they still need their parents to help and guide them. Middle school is crucial because this is the awkward age, when the things their friends say will define how they look at life. Instilling confidence at this age is imperative, it gives them the courage to make the right decision.

By the time they get to high school, they have found what they have been looking for in their social lives, so they spend an inordinate amount of time with their friends and less time with their family. I guess it is preparation for when they leave home for college and they have to fend for themselves anyway.

The question of going to work starts to bother you when either you feel unfulfilled because suddenly you realize that 15 years have passed and your qualifications are out of date or you can't afford half the things cause you don't have that disposable income.

So what is the conclusion? You do what you have to do. Will it affect your kids if you work? No - they will learn to adjust in situations because you have taught them how to. Will they be spoilt if you stay home - No, not if you do everything for them. It is all about balance, give and take, sharing and caring.