Being a parent

During a discussion, the topic of being accountable came up. What would prompt an adult to put blame on other people rather than accept the fact that they were wrong?
You have to learn to be accountable for your actions. That is something your parents strive to teach you.

I remember my parents telling me that somethings you will not understand until you are a parent yourself. I see that now. There is blood tie to your child and no matter what kind of person they are, their joys are your joys and their sorrows are your sorrows and you will do whatever it takes to make sure that they succeed.

So when an adult acts like a spoilt child - it just makes me wonder if they have ever been in a situation where they had to think of someone other than themselves. Being a parent makes you responsible and accountable for everything that you do. It also forces you to put somebody other than yourself above everything. Give up sleep, take off work, work two jobs - do whatever it takes.

Being a parent makes you appreciate sleep, good health and quiet time.

I don't know

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter." – Lewis Carroll.

I think the above scenario happens so very often in every stage of life to so many.
A lot of times we look to others to tell us what to do. And when they don't tell us what we want to hear - we get disappointed.

If we know what we want to do - it makes it easier. Then even if problems come up, we look at it as opportunities and work from there. But if we have no idea what we want to do, then you have to try out different things before you know what works.

But if there is no passion - nothing works. So now to keep trying.

Perfection

I think along with everything else in the world, even perfection is a state of mind. I went to a dance graduation last night. It was an Indian dance graduation - where the student has to perform a series of numbers - solo with a live orchestra. It usually ends up being a 3 to 4 hour event. Of course getting to this point takes years and years of practise and at the end of it all - it boils down to what happens on stage.

So, the dancer is practising, the teacher is practising, the singers are practising and all the other people come together to put a phenomenal show together. But a lot is happening back stage - the lights and sound coordination, the sound for the instruments, the makeup,the costume change, managing the show so that one item flows to the next and the coordination between the singers, the dancer and the drums and cymbals.

Now, a good student is one who has learnt all that the teacher has taught and is able to connect to the audience and take it to the next level and a good teacher is one who has imparted all the knowledge and taught her student how to handle the knowledge that is given. In the program yesterday I think both the teacher and the student met the mark of being good student and teacher because of how the dance was perceived. Perfection in dance is not just doing what you have been taught but when you go beyond that and transport the whole audience into another realm. In my humble opinion - the dancer was able to do that.

There were hitches, like in every program - but handling crisis in spite of everything is what makes the show go on. In the dancer's mind - it was not perfect, in the teachers mind - it did not come out the way it was planned - but at the end of the day - you look at - was it complete, did you connect to the audience, did you learn from the experience?

It is a hard pill to swallow when you have worked so hard and it does not come out the way you want it - but you learn that not everything is in your control - it teaches you humility. This experience may have far reaching effects to both the student and all the others around her.

There is a reason why everything happened the way it happened but we will never know, at least not now.

Make it Happen

I have written about this before, but I am constantly amazed when certain things happen. Actually I should not be amazed because did I not want it that way in the first place?

It is the conditioning of the mind that you are brought up with. Some people are brought up with skepticism and doubt - a reason why children cans see and understand the para normal more than adults. Children are psychic -actually most humans are born with a sixth sense but it is not developed since it is ignored.

So how does one make things happen? Focus on that thought form, visualize it, feel it, see it happen - and it really does. However, do not wish harm on anyone - cause it will usually backfire on you and come back one hundred fold.

Does it work with everything? It most certainly does. Be it parking spaces, conducting certain events or just meeting people - it works.

So try it and see.

The Paranoid Optimist

Have you ever heard of the paranoid optimist? Well, if you have not - you can meet one here, namely, yours truly. Now you may ask - would that not be a pessimist?
And I would answer - no. There truly is a difference.

A pessimist is one who always sees the glass half empty. They see the misery versus the joy in everything. Where as an optimist looks at every thing in a new light. They see the glass as half full and enjoy everything they do.

So what is a paranoid optimist. Very simply - sometimes they just cannot believe that good things can happen to them. So they look at the good things that happen and wait for something or someone to say something against it while it is still new. However if that does not happen - they enjoy the moment.

Isn't that what you should do anyway - Enjoy the moment!

Pet Peeves

I had no idea that some things bothered me. I think I am a pretty easy going person, you know go with the flow. But lately I find myself getting ticked off with people for reasons that apparently bother just me. I am sure there are others that feel the same as me but I had to write it down. So here are my top 10 - doing it David Letterman style

10. Rude children - I am sorry if your parents did not teach you any manners but please do not be rude to me. I am the adult and I don't have to put up with it.

9.Not replying personal emails or voice mails - I called or wrote to you because there was a reason. If you do not have the courtesy to return my calls, then we have nothing to talk about do we?

8. Adults being rude to kids - Hello! you are the adult here, how do you expect to gain any respect or be a role model if you behave like that?

7. Not returning borrowed items - if you took something of mine, please return it. When I take something of yours I take care of it like my own- so can you please do the same?

6. Being fake - Don't tell me it looks good when it does not. Go on, tell me I can take it.

5. Hypocrisy - so one rule for you and another for everyone else? I don't think so. Walk the talk otherwise get out of the way.

4. Cussing - so you think you are cool because you can cuss a blue streak? Guess again - you just lost all my respect for you because you just lost control. Try again.

3. Taking advantage of children and old people - Please, why don't you find someone your own age instead of picking on the babies or the elderly.

2. Taking everyone for granted - don't do that, it ticks people off.

1. I cannot stand it when people break their promises, especially to kids. If you are not planning to keep it - then don't make them in the first place.

So do you have any?

Secret to being Successful at work

When you go to an office of high repute and you see how the people work, sometimes you say to yourself - I can do that. Then you find out what kind of qualifications and training people have and you see that they have the highest qualifications, from Ivy League schools, many certifications - but when you look at their jobs it is something you can do too and you don't need all that stuff backing you.

But it does not work like that does it? I never figured that out until I was looking for a job and finally when I landed one - the feedback I got about my predecessor was not pretty. The education and experience definitely sets you apart and that is what is used as a filter.

But here is the thing. Once you are in - then all factors are nullified. It does not matter what school you came from, what language you speak or how old you are. You are all in one big team now. But now is when the hard part begins. Your secret to being successful depends on how you work with the rest of team based on what the culture is. Follow the leader, if there are differences, find a common ground. Get the job done, don't make promises you cannot keep, be upfront. Hey, isn't this all the stuff you learn as you grow up - what you call building your character, having integrity.

That is what it is - the kind of a person you are in life following the same values at work too. It is who you are and how you approach a problem whether inborn or trained.

Learning from kids

Some things you learn when you grow up but sometimes you see things in kids that is so amazing you have to learn from it.

5 year old Kruthika lost her tooth and was very excited that the tooth fairy gave her a dollar. Avinaash, her 31/2 year old brother, came running to hear what the commotion was all about. When he found out that his sister got a dollar he wanted to know where his was. "Sorry", said his dad, "you have to wait until you lose a tooth."

"That's OK, when I lose my tooth I will get a hundred million dollars." Hearing that Kruthika asked,"So what about me?" "You already got your dollar, but when it is my turn I will get a hundred million dollars." Feeling totally sidelined Kruthika started crying about not getting a hundred million dollars when she loses her tooth.

So, what have I learnt from this? You have to hand it to this 3.5 year old, he has nothing in hand but he is so confident that he will get a hundred million dollars, that he made the child who had money cry. Street smarts or amazing self confidence - either way I want to hang around him. I might learn a few more things.

Happy Father's Day!

If you ask anyone outside the United States about father's Day - they would not have a clue. Technically there are only 6 holidays a year that everyone gets. However there are a slew of other holidays that we call Hallmark Holidays - a phrase coined so that you have an excuse to buy a greeting card from Hallmark - the greeting card company.

I never thought of the importance of having a dad, I just assumed you have to have one. After all isn't a family a mom and a dad and kids? So every time I heard of a family that lost their dad - I felt sad for them but never realized why.

Now as I look back I see who I am and how I approach life is based on the interactions and conversations with my Dad. Honesty, integrity and courage of conviction is an integral part of every decision he takes. And always keep your promises otherwise don't make them. When I make decisions I try to use the same approach.

For every girl, her Dad is her hero. At that age everything looks so big - so many things to learn - swimming, riding a bike, playing soccer, basketball, cricket, climbing a tree or building a tree house - he was there. Not to forget the intellectual side of things - reading, writing and 'arithmetic - he was there for that. So much to discuss at the dining table - business, politics, life - he was an integral part of that too. Talk about ideas, not people - he says even now. Time I spend with my Dad is precious - he was always busy - but he always made time. Everything that he did was adventure. I wanted to be part of that. Today he is still having his adventure and now he asks me when will I make time for him.

Dads are like the foundation, the solid rock that is there beneath your feet while you try and scale new heights. You do well and they cannot stop bragging about you, they want you to go beyond what they ever have and they will do anything to give you want you want, but you do stupid things and they will tell you how disappointed they are in you, you don't follow instructions and they badger you until you do, you do things without telling them and they are hurt, yet they always love you for you who you are, after all you are his child.

So for all the years we had before and all the years yet to come -

Happy Father's Day Pappa!

Finding a job in this economy

Let me tell you that finding a job in this economy is not easy. Having been a victim of layoff, it puts a tremendous pressure on you and it does not help that you feel miserable too. Most people will have a 'Why me?' attitude. Honestly I was more relieved than anything. I was getting to the point of burn out and this was my out.

But then finding another job was not easy. I never realized the social stigma it carried - especially for men. I guess their identity is related to their jobs. I know of guys who stopped socializing because they did not want to admit that they were laid off. But in Motown, this is more of a norm than an exception - the lay off, that is.

So while looking for that other job - the traditional method does not help since it is overflowing. You look for a job in the paper and send in your resume - there are 1000 applicants for 3 positions. Why? because there are many over qualified people. The last job fair they had for engineers had people standing in line for more than 6 hours and they still did not get to speak to a recruiter. So what do you do?

1. Apply for unemployment
2. Talk to you everyone you know
3. Network in your professional organizations
4. Keep checking
5. Have faith

1. First things first - if you have been laid off - go apply for unemployment. At least use whatever government sustenance that is being provided until you find something. That is the advantage you have in this country - the government will help you out.

2. Talk to friends, colleagues, your doctor, dentist, teacher, neighbour, your spouse, your children's friends parents, your family in other states. You never know what you may find. Of course moving to another state is hard, but if you find a job there - isn't it better than not working?

3. If you are part of a professional organization, make sure you network. Go to the meetings and the social events. You may never know who you meet or what you find that may catch your attention.

4. Don't just ask once and forget about it. Call back, bug your friends, check the unemployment job bank, look at postings. If one company said no openings now, that does not mean that it is never an issue. Things change, budgets get approved, work needs to get done so they need people. Keep calling back - you may never know when the time is right.

5. Have faith. Keep thinking positive, after all if you keep trying you have to succeed at some point. Your timeline may be different from the universe but you just have to keep doing. This too shall pass.

Keep looking cause that job is out there.

Peer Pressure

I am sure you remember how hard it was to go against the peer pressure. You always went with what your friends thought of you. I would say now that you are older and wiser that it does not matter any more. But the reality is that before you were young and foolish and now you are old and more foolish.

It does not matter - you are an adult and now it is the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. This is evident especially when the newspaper articles are all about learning to cope in this tight economy. The articles in the newspaper are telling people in bold letters to go apply for unemployment. Stop trying to be brave and get the support while you support the family.

The articles are reiterating that there is nothing wrong with reducing your Starbucks and getting coffee from home, bring your lunch instead of buying lunch, and cutting cable so that you can feed your family. There is nothing wrong with teaching your kids the value of money, there is nothing wrong with standing up to your friends and telling them you would rather go home and eat than go out and eat.

I guess if adults are finding it hard, how do you expect the kids to learn from it. After all they learn by example and watching you - not what you tell them. So it does not matter if you are an adult or child - have the courage of conviction to stand up to your beliefs after all character is built during adversity.

Its Summer Vacation!

You can say that again. I can hear the parents groan as they try and figure out ways to keep the kids busy and I can hear the kids groan as they are told to do stuff.

What a joyful time of year - the birds are out in full swing, the sun rises earlier, the days are longer and no homework. Wait, actually I should take that back - there is plenty of homework - how much is assigned by the teacher and how much by the parents is a different issue.

If you ask my preteen he will say summer is one long weekend. Play video games, watch tv and do nothing. There was a time when summer vacation meant going to see grandparents, jumping in the lake, climbing trees, going on a picnic, watching movies, staying up late and telling ghost stories. I think it still is - its just that you have to take the time to plan and make sure it happens.

So what else can you do to recreate the summer of your childhood? I have to include camping, watching movies outside, lying on a hammock and drinking a tall glass of iced tea, gardening, the fragrance of jasmine, running through the sprinklers, writing with chalk on the sidewalk, blowing bubbles, biking, eating watermelon and having a seed spitting contest to name a few. What triggers your memory?

False Evidence Appearing Real

Have you heard that before? The acronymn for that is FEAR. The opposite of faith, the stealer of dreams, the biggest culprit that makes you doubt yourself. Franklin D. Roosevelt said that you have nothing to fear but fear itself. After all fear does not exist anywhere except in the mind.

I never realized how paralyzing fear can be until a couple years ago when I was in a new job and had to support the family. Failure was defintely not an option but the fear of failure was weighing on my mind. Now when I think about it I wonder how I survived - no sleep, no food, constant anxiety and at one point even the feeling of gloom and doom as if you are buried in a deep hole and there is no out. I remember feeling so alone and paranoid and no matter what I did it was never enough. It was the fear - constantly in my head - the what ifs - the feeling of letting everyone down.

I remember calling my close friends and family trying to get a sense of what to do - how to cope. When I started thinking of not waking up the next morning, and I got yelled at by my loved ones for thinking so foolishly, I knew I had to shake myself out of it. After all I was a positive person and how come I alllowed myself to become so fearful.

The constant rhythm of 'this too shall pass' in my head helped me get through. Never under estimate the power of prayer and good friends and family. At that point I truly understood that it never really matters how much money you make or what people say. It is about how good you make another person feel or how you can help them.

Even though I would like to forget that experience, it is one that I will never forget. Conquering the fear is what makes you stronger. When the lesson is learnt a new lesson begins. When you go with the flow it all works out.

Today I am in a similar job, but not fearing, just going with the flow. I am learning the lesson and hopefully when this lesson is learnt a new one is on its way.

Control

Everyone seems to want it, half of them cannot keep it and the rest are fighting for it - I am talking about control.

When you look at history, wars have been fought and kingdoms have been razed because of it. I guess it is part of human nature to be in control - but there is a limit to it too. You have to know when to let it go and when it really matters.

People get sick when they are not in control - but some things are just not meant to be. There is a rhythm to the universe. Follow the rhythm and everything will flow. Fight it and you will be fighting everything coming at you.

Don't you love it when you go on vacation and you can just sit on the water and not have to worry about anything. Life is the same way - there is flow to it - just sit back, relax and enjoy! It all works out in the end.

How you do one thing is how you do everything

If you have ever heard the adage 'how you do one thing is how you do everything' - you should know it is totally true.

I never realized it until someone mentioned that to me and I started to be conscious about it. How I approach a problem is how I think, is how I analyze, is how I keep my room, my bathroom, my office table, my kitchen counter, my house or the folders in my email or the directories on my computer or my purse.

Hee hee hee - if any of you know me you know you will find anything. But the way you keep stuff is a reflection of your state of mind. So if you have a million plans running through your head - you can be rest assured you have a number of half finished projects also around your house.

Now I never thought you could unlearn that messy way - but you can. Ask any engineer. There is a method to their madness. Every task is broken down into samller achievable tasks and analyzed and completed. No new task is started until the previous task is finished.

If you are the kind that needs small frequent meals you probably work on numerous projects for short periods of time. Your stamina can only keep you going for so long. But if you are the kind that needs 4 solid meals - you probably work on some heavy duty projects and your energy is sucked up by that.

It has to do with the kind of energy that surrounds you - the calm kind or the restless kind. Your personality dictates it - however in order to make the change you have to first recognize it. They say that after many years of marriage the spouses start to behave like each other - I guess as long as it is the good stuffit is fine.

I have to say that I find a less frenzied aura when things are kept where they should be, plans completed, beds made, counters wiped, documents filed and files organized. I just ahve to get used to it.

Youngsters

George Bernard Shaw was right when he said "It's all that the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date."

It suddenly hit me as we go graduation party hopping that I am going to be short one teenager next year. Which means my younger one will have to figure things out on his own. I don't think that hit any of us until today.

Poor guy! I am not sure how much facebook and phones are going to help, but from what I have seen - not a whole lot. This was a one year notice into how things are going to be - we have to plan accordingly. I had to ask my high schooler to give me tips on what to do to survive. She was giving me tips. She may have to write a book on how her brother has to survive high school.

I don't know how parents with more than 2 children handle it. Every time I miss a date or deadline because of an overwhelming schedule, I feel guilty and miserable thinking I failed them. I wonder how the parents with 4 and 5 kids manage. They must be extremely organized and have lots of help.

I wait to hear from the kids on all the things that go on - the new technology and gadgets that most teenagers cannot seem to live without. I do rely on them t keep me informed. As far as shocking me - I think every generation just gets worse. It is a question of what you will put up with and what rules you have. And no matter how much they whine , kids love rules.

So as far as surviving high school - how do you do it - plan and execute with extreme care. I wish all of us the very best.

Graduation Season

The month of June and July is extremely busy with a flurry of graduation parties.

In this part of the world, the tradition is to host an open house for high school graduation. Friends drop in, say hi, give a token gift, eat food, see the pictures and go to the next grad party.

Interesting observation was that if you go to the American grad parties - the guest are all kids - meaning the friends of the graduating senior. There are no adults - meaning there are no adults accompanying their child to a friend's graduation party unless of course it is to an Indian grad party.

It must be the culture, cause everything is a family affair including the grad party. It truly is a mixed crowd - cause you have the non Indian kids who come alone and the Indian kids who come with their parents. Most of the kids dress casually while some do dress up. There is tons of food - after all the teenage crowd is a hungry one, and volleyball to keep the kids occupied and of course chai.

I was chatting with another parent when we were wondering where the chai was. It was on the table earlier but seemed to have since disappeared. Not finding any in the vicinity, I went and asked the help and came back with a steaming cups of chai. Never underestimate the power of chai. I had people come up to me asking me where I found the chai - there is just something about a cup of steaming hot chai on a cool summer evening that makes it just perfect.

As we sipped our perfect cup of tea we were struck with the difference in the generations. This class of 2010 have no fear. The world is their oyster and they have grandiose plans. We, growing up, I know had plans too but for some reason it did not sound as lofty as the current graduating class. It must be the age. So bold, so carefree so idealistic.

This was the first time I heard of a doctor not wanting his son to follow in his footsteps. He did not want his son to be saddled with a 300 thousand dollar loan and with no guarantee of a job especially with health care going the way it is now. We as parents must do our duty and make them aware of the pitfalls of certain decisions.

They all have lofty goals and plan to do great things I wish them all the very best of luck - after all they are the future.

Milestone 100

I had to write about it because this is my 100th post this year.

Just like the press talking about the President's one hundred days in office and kids celebrating 100 days in school - I am celebrating my 100th post this year.

So what have I learnt?
Write everyday, write from the heart and if you want something bad and really focus on it - nothing can stop you - not even God.

Writing is cathartic - when you start writing you start with one thing in mind, by the time you are done - it is something else.

I am excited about my blog - I have connected with friends, people are interested in reading what I have to say and I get to write every single day and find my voice.

I still have 191 posts to go to meet my goal - but in the meantime I am going to celebrate this milestone.

Nothing is certain like death and taxes

A kind of a morbid title - I know - but that seemed apt when I saw the headline 'Woman who escapes death on Air France flight is killed a week later'.

Sad, she was killed in an automobile accident in a foreign country. It tells you that if some things are meant to happen - it will no matter what.

The eastern philosophy talks about doing good deeds to build good karma - that will help you reduce your suffering but death is something that even God cannot stop - after it is already ordained.

So is there a way out - not exactly - you live your life to the fullest, live in the now, enjoy every moment, do not look back and regret but look forward and be happy.

And after all that maybe you will come back but for those of you who do not believe in reincarnation - live your best life now!

What ever happened to world peace?

What in the world is happening to everyone? You hear about white supremacist killing because he hated the Jews and people in Australia hating the immigrants and beating them up.

Why can't people just live and let live? If you work hard, you should get rewarded. If you don't work then don't expect to get rewarded. Why do you have to get rewarded just because you found a way to beat the system? And why is that something to be proud of anyway?

A few years ago the world was huge and people and countries were very far away. But in this day and age with computers, twitter, Facebook and a score of other social networking the world has become so much smaller. News travels faster, be it good news or bad news.

Today, you may be of Indian origin and may never have even been to India. You could be Black, Jewish and live in Netherlands - it does not matter. The boundaries of race, country and religious background have blurred. There are inter religious, inter racial and even same sex marriages. Get with the program people or you will become like Miss California who got fired. Of course the official reason was for not stepping up to the plate.

What does it matter what the other people are doing as long as they are doing an honest day's work? If you are unhappy about something, it is because of something within you. Help others and you will feel better. Not beat and kill others - violence never really solved anything anyway. Did it?

The Dreamer

We were young and spoke of dreams

of far away places and big things to come

We pondered and planned

and never worried of how it would work

Life has its way of testing our resolve

with people with a shallow mind and attract our attention

If we pass or fail depends on the path we take

But did we fail or was it just meant to be

There were so many things to do, places to go and people to see

and all those interactions made us who we are

Are we not a sum total of our experiences?

But in all that time I never forgot any of my dreams

I still ponder and plan

And I realize that I never really stopped dreaming

Making a man out of the boy

My son always wants to know when he is going to hit puberty. Being a year younger than everyone else and shorter than most puberty has yet to catch up with him.

While all the other boys are growing tall - his legs are definitely getting long, because I have to get him new pants. While all his friends voices are breaking, his is still very much a high pitched voice. He is waiting for the time when he has a mustache and he can shave - he has been practising but that does not seem to accelerate the process.

In my mind he is still my baby - but he is in such a hurry to grow up. And I want him to be prepared. Having an older sister definitely helps in the socializing department. He gets the lowdown on all the fashions, movies and latest gossip. But what happens when his sister has gone off to college? He has to be prepared to face the world and survive. Growing up is tough.

So we had decided that this was the summer we would do it - make a man out of him - by learning to cook. There is an underlying reason for this you know - girls love guys who can cook. Of course it was suggested by the expert on what girls like - his sister.

All jokes aside - I am a firm believer that everybody should know how to do everything. You don't have to do everything but you should know how. For boys - it is learning to cook and do laundry. I also expect boys to treat women with respect and not cuss in public.

I always thought it was the father that boys emulate - and they do. Fathers are their heroes but it seems like it is the mom's job to guide them in that path. A woman's job is never done.

If I knew then what I know now

I was at a class when I heard the teacher say 'if only I could go back into my childhood and relive it knowing what I know now, it would be so cool!'

I agree. The first thing I would tell my parents is not to compare me to anyone. (Actually I did but they never listened.) I would tell them to compare me to the me from yesterday. Am I not a better person since yesterday? I can totally see the look on their faces.

I would be the coolest person if I knew Parkinson's law then. I knew about Peters' Principle but I missed the one about Parkinson - you know the one that says that time and complexity expands to fill the time you have allotted to it. So if I had known about it - I could have saved myself so much misery and just finished the work - instead of worrying about it.

Which brings me to to the next one - worry does not get you anywhere. You lose sleep, some lose hair. I lose sleep, still have most of my hair - but I just thought that because the adults always worried, it was the adult thing to do.

Energy follows thought. I wish I knew that. I would have been thinking amazing things. Actually I did, I just did not know it.

I am sure if my mother saw this right now she would say - 'Isn't that what I have been telling you all these years? Why didn't you listen?'

I thought I did mom, but I can hear you now.

Watching and waiting

Sometimes it seems that GM was used to set an example for the rest of the world. Hurry up and fix your problems or we will fix it for you.

The worst recession definitely did not help and every day that passed GM was getting deeper and deeper into trouble. So after a thorough tongue lashing from Congress, the government stepped in and provided the required funding and help on the condition that they have to meet certain requirements. It was a tough negotiation but on June 1 2009 General Motors, a company that had turned 100 years old, filed for bankruptcy and was taken off the NY stock exchange. It was history in the making.

For the next few months all eyes will be on GM or Government Motors, as it is called in whispers, to see if they really can survive. But will they? Of course they will, they have to. After all there is a whole industry relying on them to be successful. Why I say that GM was used as an example is because none of the other car companies are exactly rolling in dough. They are also having similar troubles as GM except they could get the funding that they needed without it being broadcast on national television.

I think GM is going through now what would have happened 5 years into the future. Bad decisions, and being complacent in the market place would have forced them to downsize and become competitive. This whole saga was a shake up to the entire automotive industry. Get up and do something before somebody else does it for you.

This whole transition is hard on a lot of us who live in the Midwest and survive in the automotive market. But it is a wake up call to most of us - reminding us that we cannot be complacent in life - whether it is our work, family or life.

Keep innovating, bring in fresh ideas, stretch yourself, shift your paradigm, move your cheese and you will be ahead of the game.

Best of luck GM! We are all waiting to see you come out of this with flying colors.

Memory

Isn't it odd the things you remember? For some you remember things from the long ago that have been etched in your brain, for others the experiences from the past have been erased and you only remember the here and now and for some you only choose to remember what you want to.

I fall in the last category. Maybe it is human nature - you remember those experiences that were pleasant. The brain catalogs it and keeps it safely. Be it a smell, a food, a thought, a picture,a scene,a sound a color or a song. Then at some point when you encounter something similar - you have this feeling of dejavu and wonder why it is so familiar.

I never questioned why I remember certain things and not others. I thought everyone did that. But much later I realized that everyone remembers something different. I cannot remember what outfit I wore last week - but I know plenty of other people who will tell me that. Unpleasant experiences were wiped out from my short term memory and stored in cold storage. But the brain has the ability to bring it to the forefront when you are in a position to handle it.

Unpleasant experiences in my childhood bubbled to the surface once I reached adulthood and I was able to deal with it. Pleasant memories stick to you throughout your life. Every time I smell jasmine it transports me to a world of warm summer nights. Some dates ( mm/dd/yy kind of date) never leave your head either.You only know it is important, but you don't know why you remember.

There must be something with the number 23 - cause that seems to be the number of years for me before past memories bubble up and start to make sense. But the date makes sense now - the date is a birthday of a close friend from high school.

I wonder what else my memory has in store for me.

What if....

What if you could change the past - what would be the one thing that you would go back and change?

When you are a teenager you are still trying to figure out who you are and what your strengths and weaknesses are. You still don't know who your friends are. Don't they say that adversity brings out the true character of a person? How do you know what your character is? How do you if you are making the right decision? What if you make the wrong decision? How would it affect your life or other people's life?

What answer would you give to the questions above? If someone says 'I did not have a choice' - wrong answer. We all have choices. Every decision you make you have a choice. Depending on the choice you make determines the path that life takes on.

Can you change the past? No. But you can make sure you never make the same mistake again. You can sincerely apologize for your stupidity. And you hope your kids learn from your mistakes.

Isn't that why pencils have erasers? So you can fix your mistakes?

Are you a mean mom?

I remember an article talking about being a mean mom and how good it is for your kids - cause that is what keeps them safe.

I never realized that until my daughter talked to me about her out of town school trip. Now she is not exactly the neatest or organized of people and like most teenagers she needs to be told a million times before she actually gets up and does what she is asked. However, while she was on this trip - she was the one who kept trying to pick up and keep the room clean. She said "I kept hearing your voices in my head to clean up and I could not sleep until I did."

That is when I realized that the constant repetition does get through their heads eventually. There was a time when I was tired of hearing the sound of my own voice, repeating the same thing over and over again - but I am glad that I still do it.

Kids love order and rules. If they don't have it - they have no idea what they are capable of. Most organizations have rules. You cannot live in society and expect to get away with not following rules. "I want to go to a school that has rules- so that I can break them" - says my rebellious teenager.

So have heart - if you are the kind of parent that repeats the same request until it gets done, are strict about curfews, want to know who their friends are, you are their parent and not their friend, monitor what they watch, say or do on the web, let them know when you are disappointed in their behaviour, expect them to meet certain expectations - that's okay - your kids really do want it - they just don't know it yet.

Time flies

When you send out a query to the universe, you can be certain you will get an answer. A few weeks ago I was thinking about my high school friends and wondered what they were up to. The reason for thinking about them was a discussion between my high schooler and definition of 'friends'.

in high school - friends seem to define your existence. But what happens after high school has nothing to do with them. You go to college based on your interest, pursue a career based on where you want to go or what life dishes out along the way. You may or may not keep in touch with your friends. Some innocuous remark by some random person in high school is probably what fired up your passion or dimmed what what you wanted to do. Now as you look back more than 20 years since you graduated high school you wonder where you are and what have you accomplished.

How do you define success? Do big titles and lots of money define you? Or does the size of your house or number of cars define you? Or are you still the same passionate person who you were in high school? Are you still the same person who took people at face value and looked beyond their handicaps? Did you confine to the norms and do your duty? Or did you define your own path? Are you happy doing what you are doing or are you till finding out who you are?

For me success is a state of mind. Have I helped people? Yes. Am I judgemental? No.
Are you still learning? You better believe it. Does money and status define who you are? No. So are you still finding out who you are? Sometimes I know who I am and what I need to do but sometimes I have to ask that question - where am i going and what do I want from life.

So my query was answered. A couple days ago I get a note asking if I was the same person who they thought I was who graduated from high school that many years ago. As I get in touch with old friends it is going to be an interesting journey to see where they are and how they got there.

State of the economy and mens underwear

Who would have thought but apparently according to Alan Greenspan - the state of men's underwear is an indication of the state of the economy.

I really would not have thought of that - but I guess if the spouse did not replace it or you did not go out and get more meaning that you can hang on to a holey pair of stretched elastic and thin cotton for some more time - then you are not confident enough to go out and spend.

So I wonder what happens to the fancy women's underwear - of course for most of us we can never have enough underwear. I am sure there are those of you who would rather go out an buy new underwear than do laundry.

Michael Brush from MSN money talks about the odd indicators about the state of the economy. Some include the falling and rising of hemlines, the halter tops versus the blouses and baring midriffs.

I am sure if you look at how people look at entertainment will also give you an indication. The cheapest way to have fun - not that there is anything wrong with it - go to a park, have a picnic, eat hot dogs, buy ice cream ride a bike or play Frisbee versus going on a cruise or out to dinner.

I think the recession has given everyone an opportunity to enjoy the simpler things in life. Enjoy!

Patience...

...is a virtue. A very good character to have and very hard to attain. It could be almost a requirement for business, very necessary for teachers and for the current generation.

However it can be seen as non aggressive and taken advantage of. I look at it as if it did not happen it was not meant to be. In this day and age of instant gratification - it is rare that you see that kind of patience. Most people associate it being old - it could be since it takes practise - but it does have something to do with your inner peace.

If you mind is like a drunken monkey jumping from idea to idea - you will not have the patience to see one idea come to fruition. We don't even have the patience to cook food from scratch - we use the ready made and frozen dinners. having patience soothes agitated minds, helps business negotiations, produces delicious foods and gives a child a chance to learn.

So keep that in mind while you stand in your queue, slow cook or watch your child learn something new.

Chapter 11 - it is for real

Today was a very sad day. A historic day but a sad one. General Motors officially applied for bankruptcy and has been taken off the Dow Jones for the first time in 83 years. GM just celebrated their 100th year last year. It is now Government Motors - but not for long.

The only people who really understand the pain of what they are going through are those that are in the industry and their families. Fritz Henderson, CEO of GM (or would that be Barack Obama now since the government owns the company), was emotionally choked up as he gave the grim news to all his staff this morning. For most of the people who worked at GM there was a legacy - their dads, moms, family had worked there in some capacity and/or they were passionate about cars.

Now with plants closing and more jobs scheduled for layoffs, many suppliers are going out of business. They tried so hard not to go into Chapter 11 but it did not work. The pain and the humiliation is similar to when you lose your home after you have tried everything to save it.

But what does not kill you makes you stronger and this step in the history of General Motors is what will make it come back to life kicking and screaming.
Here is hoping for the best.

I love my age!

I am really excited - I am going to be in a fashion show organized for charity and I know I am going to look gorgeous. Interesting this is all those participating in this feel that the moms are not good hip enough to carry it off. Sorry to blow your bubble kiddos - but we are going to be fabulous. Sorry, could not resist. But it is true - I am going to look good cause I feel good.

It has to be something with the age. I like to think that I am like fine wine - get better as I grow older. I was talking to a friend of mine and she voiced what I felt - she said she feels liberated. We have been through the growing pains of marriage and adjusting, went through pregnancy and labor with the children, listened to the in laws and dealt with mid life crisis with the husband. And now when we women get together we are bold and sassy and have fun and look amazing and don't apologize for looking good.

It is the confidence - we've been there, done that and now life is wonderful. I wear stuff that makes me look and feel good and if you don't like it - close your eyes. Poor kids - they think the moms have gone wild and the hubbies - well - they are never gonna know what hit them.

So here's to looking gorgeous and feeling great!

Starting a new business

For someone who has always relied on a paycheck starting a new business is a major paradigm shift.

Maybe it is the economic situations that give arise to these ideas, maybe it is the increase in the number of articles that talk about having your own business that has ides mushrooming in my head, or maybe I have finally reached that stage in life where I am not scared of what people have to say anymore.

I was at the middle school and one of the teachers mentioned that one of the characteristics of an International Baccalaureate was to be a risk taker. That is what starting a new business is about. No fear - even if you have don't show it. No guts, no glory.

The lure of having your own hours, working late hours into the night knowing that it is for your own self, adjusting your work to accommodate your life is simply worth it.
But you go into business to make money - now just to make sure we make enough of it.

Teenagers

A teenager is defined as one who wants to be treated like an adult but are not expected to behave like one.
When I think about it - I think it is the hardest time of life - you are constantly under pressure to do well in studies, nobody tolerates your mood swings cause your hormones are going wacky in your system, everything you do is a reflection of how you are brought up and you have to become a well rounded individual so that you can get into college. A very tall order if you ask me.

But what stumps me is how do kids whose parents do everything for them get away with surviving when they go off to college. Maybe I am asking this a little too early since my teen is not yet in college or maybe I have not heard of those who did not survive or learnt it the hard way - yet.

I have taught my kids to be independent - but every child is different. What trick that works with one, definitely does not work with the other. As a parent you have to be careful that the younger one does not become a clone of the older one and you recognize their passions.

Passion comes from within - and the kids need to be guided to find that passion. Every child in this world is really good at something - as a parent it is our job to help them find it. Some kids are smart and find it on their own where as others need help. Some find it early in their life, while for some it takes a while.

For some parents there is a predefined path that they think their kids should follow. There is nothing wrong in that since they know that it works - but if your child is not passionate about that path and voice their opinion, as a parent it is imperative that you listen to them. After all if they don't want to become a doctor or engineer does not mean they are a failure.