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Life

it has been an interesting weekend. Conversations with friends, opinions of people who think they know it all, reactions of those who cannot handle being the center of attention to name a few. So to put it all in perspective I pulled out this piece of writing that I had copied from a poster in an 8th grade classroom and read from that.
I have no idea who wrote it but I think it is very profound and applies to everyone of all ages. Enjoy!

Life is not about keeping score. It is not about how many people call you and it is not about who you've dated, are dating or have not dated at all. Its not about who you've kissed, what sport you play or which guy or girl likes you. Its not about your hair or shoes or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact it is not about your grades, money, clothes or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends or if you are alone and its not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. In fact Life just isn't about that.

But Life is about who you love and who you hurt. It is about how you feel about yourself. It is about trust, happiness and compassion. It is about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about overcoming ignorance, avoiding jealousy and becoming confident. It is about what you say and what you mean. It is for seeing people for who they are and not for what they have. Most of all it is about choosing your life to touch someone elses' in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.

These choices are what Life is about.

Women rock!

I grew up in a patriarchal society - where the son inherits the property, where the wife goes to the husband's house and takes the husband's name and the children get the father's name.

But where I come from and many other parts of the world - there is a very strong matriarchal society - where the daughter inherits the property, the husband has to go to the wife's house and the husband never takes the wife's name but the children do.

Now as a mom, I think of all the things that I do and what happens if mom is not home or does not have it planned or organized it. You guessed right - nothing gets done or completed if mom is not involved.

Of course until men give birth (actually that already did happen with Thomas Beatie in Oregon but he was a woman first), women still have to go through labor physically and metaphorically. Have you noticed no matter how much the dad does, the kids still need their mom?

Moms are the ones who guide, help, cajole, threaten, bribe or force their children to do things that as moms think are good for their children. It could be reading, playing a sport, dancing, completing a project or following a routine. The children may not agree at the time but some time in the future they will look back and thank their mom.

Now all the while I was growing up I thought the man called the shots not realizing that it is the women who get the job done. So to all the girls out there - it does not matter what you plan on doing when you grow up - but as long as you have a child or children you will always be the most important person in that child's life and will be responsible in shaping that child.

"I get all the glory," says Leah Adler, Steven Spielberg's mother as she walks past one of his movie posters. "I eat it up. And all I have to do is be the mother."

Parenting in this day and age

Have you been listening to the songs on the radio recently? Have you watched any of the shows on TV recently? It really is a challenge for someone who is a parent trying to raise their child on values that you grew up.

We never had to worry about listening to songs that talked about drugs, sex or alcohol. The songs we listened to were poetry from the heart and had hidden meanings that we had to figure out. What ever happened to that?

We never had to worry about shows on television that glorified drugs, sex or alcohol. Now days you can't even hear a conversation that does not have at least a few swear words. Shows were funny and good clean fun that you could enjoy with the family. What ever happened to that?

We never had to worry about exposing our kids to inappropriate material on the Internet. Nowadays it is so easy to get access to material that is inappropriate.
We never had Internet so the rules are all different now.

Nowadays parenting is tough. Most of the parents are not even a traditional two parent family - the kids probably stay with only one parent. Society has changed. The traditional support group of grandparents or the community is harder to find. Kids grow up quicker because they have to deal with too much too soon.

They watch movies and listen to songs with subjects that we dealt with when we were adults. Definition of funny is not hilarious because of a spin of words or slapstick but different that involves a lot of cussing.

So as a parent how do I handle all this? Can I change society? No, but I can establish my own rules - respect for elders, manners and follow the rules. I don't think you are cool if you cuss in front of me - I just think you are out of control.
Treat others how you want to be treated and then see what happens.

I wonder how things will pan out when these kids become parents? Que sera sera..what will be will be...

Expectations

One is told that you should not have expectations, then you won't get disappointed.
But that is a hard concept to overcome. Even as adults you expect so much because you assume other people will follow through. But how do you explain that to a child?

How do you teach a child not to have expectations when you tell him you have high expectations of him? There is something wrong in that whole equation. If you look at human behaviour, your expectations are based on assumptions. Your assumptions are based on past behaviour. Your behaviour is based on training and how you have been brought up. Your training is based on your past experiences and your bringing up is based on your parents' belief system. So there are a lot of factors that go into this.

One thing you realize is that you cannot change people. You can only change yourself. So if you never want to be disappointed then you have to be the person who never disappoints. Like Mahatma Gandhi says 'be the change you want to be'.

You have to project to the universe the person you want to be so that people of similar nature are attracted to you. There will always be people who disappoint, but then again you cannot change them. Don't get stuck in that rut cause you may never get out.

So be the person you want to be and project that into the universe.

Pounding pavement

So, I decided not to fall for that constant conversation in my head and run outside instead of indoor.

From advice given to me by seasoned runners - I should do my long distance running outside - gives you a feel for when you run the whole course. Good advice because the mind was so distracted with everything else going around you - there was no time to whine.

One of the advantages of running outside you have to keep going. Why? Because even if you decide you are tired you still have to make your way back home. Unless of course if you have someone following you in a car who can take you home or call someone to pick you up.

Another advantage - fresh air. when the weather is good, it could be a beautiful day to run. Fill up your lungs with the smell of summer - be it flowers, freshly mowed lawns or barbecue on the grill.

Some run with headphones on - I don't think it is a good idea since you have to be alert about your surroundings. It might work in a gym where you are trying to find things to keep you going.

How far did I run - I am not sure - still have to work it out - but I ran longer than I was at the gym and was less tired - does that mean I am getting stronger - probably.

Now to figure out how to get rid of the boredom while running.

Bringing up Kids

It is a very scary and daunting task - bringing up children and getting them prepared to face the world fraught of all kinds of dangers, teaching them to make the right decision, learning from their mistakes.

It is also the most rewarding of tasks you will ever do in your entire life or lives. I have utmost respect for those parents who do it alone and for those who adopt. It takes a special kind of person with a big heart to be able to adopt and raise kids, and if those kids are physically or mentally challenged - more power to them.

The hardest thing for a parent is stand by and watch their children make mistakes knowing that some things they have to figure out on their own. Even harder is for a parent to outlive their children.

A point that was constantly driven to me - you only have one chance to raise your kids - once that chance is over - nothing you do can ever make up for it. Another point was children watch and learn so they learn by example. Do what you want them to do so that they can see how you react and make decisions - actions speak louder than words. The problems don't go away once the children get older - the problems just get bigger with them.

Once a mom, always a mom right?

To work or not to work...

I am sure there are countless mothers who go through this dilemma in their lives - do I go to work or do I stay home and raise kids?

For some there is not much of a choice - you have to pay bills and put food on the table - you have to go to work. For some others it is a choice - only one spouse can have a demanding career and yet for some it is a calculated choice - I stay home now with the baby and go back to work when the kids go back to school.

In the European countries, women are encouraged to stay home and raise their kids, and in some cultures it is a given. In the United States there are both - women who stay home and those who try and do it all. Nothing wrong with either in my opinion, however it is a question of balance.

When the kids are babies - they need their mothers - obviously. Nobody will look after their baby like their own unless it is the mom. But at times you will end up leaving your child with a baby sitter - because you have no one else around to help. The sad part is that those who are responsible for caring your most precious possession in the whole wide world is paid below minimum wage yet they have such a huge responsibility.

As the kids get older and they go to school, they still need their parents to help and guide them. Middle school is crucial because this is the awkward age, when the things their friends say will define how they look at life. Instilling confidence at this age is imperative, it gives them the courage to make the right decision.

By the time they get to high school, they have found what they have been looking for in their social lives, so they spend an inordinate amount of time with their friends and less time with their family. I guess it is preparation for when they leave home for college and they have to fend for themselves anyway.

The question of going to work starts to bother you when either you feel unfulfilled because suddenly you realize that 15 years have passed and your qualifications are out of date or you can't afford half the things cause you don't have that disposable income.

So what is the conclusion? You do what you have to do. Will it affect your kids if you work? No - they will learn to adjust in situations because you have taught them how to. Will they be spoilt if you stay home - No, not if you do everything for them. It is all about balance, give and take, sharing and caring.

Dreams and Goals

Do you know what the difference is between a goal and a dream - a goal is a dream with a deadline.

I must be going through a slump cause this is the conversation going through my head. Picture this:
I am in the gym got my spanking new shoes on and working out the time I have to run. Imagine a devil version of me (D) on one shoulder and the angel version (A)on the other have this conversation:
D: What the heck were you thinking? what made you think that you can run?
A: Hey, you got new shoes, you want to do it, you can make it happen.
D: Yeah right! It takes you 20 minutes to get past the hive stage - dang and that is uncomfortable and then you still have to run 10 more minutes before you get to 30 minutes
A: Don't think of all that, think of the end goal - in 3 months you will be able to run 13.1 miles because you have the stamina.
D: Ha ha ha ha. How are you going to run 13.1 miles when you cannot even get through 1 mile without feeling like your lungs are going to explode?
A: Of course you can, every time you run, you run a little more.
D: Oh yeah right - you look at the timer on the machine and try and figure out why 30 seconds takes so darn long.

By the end of that conversation - I am almost done with my workout, so the next tiem I go running, I am running outside - thank you.

Stereotypes

I watched a movie of Adam Sandler called Don't mess with the Zohan - a stereotypical movie that literally makes the cliche's come to life. A spoof on the life of Arab and Israelis living in America and the life of an immigrant.

It was funny - to me it was - I am not sure if a Middle Eastern saw it what they would think. It was light hearted and silly but I am not sure if my neighbour would appreciate it or maybe he would be OK with it - after all he is living in America.

I live in a multicultural neighbourhood - we have all the races, actually Caucasian may be a minority. The kids all go to the same school on the same bus. They don't see color when they see their friends, they see the person for who they are.

One day as we went for a walk we noticed the number of lights and motion sensor lights at the neighbour. We heard it was because some kids were vandalizing their property and harassing them. I had no idea since I live next door and never heard a thing.

You would think that once you come to America there would not be this kind of behaviour. You should be able to live without fear. However from what is happening around me, it looks like it is easy to target those that fall under the stereotypes.
Sad because it is the kids who are doing this - and all that because of fear. Even sadder is it is not the true nature of the kids but what they hear from the adults.
Everyone is scared and it is easy to hate and bully than try and all get along.

Actually if you look beyond the suspicion - everyone is just trying to make a living. Here in America - you can achieve so much - everyone is trying to follow their dreams.

So live and let live.

Secret of taking the ACT/SAT successfully

For those not familiar with the ACT and SAT - it is the American College Test and the Scholastic Aptitude Test are the standardized tests that are taken in the United Sates by 11th graders in order to get into college. The scores on those tests are what the colleges use to sift the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

I went to one of the coaching classes and was fascinated to find out that here too you have to use the positive thinking concept in order to succeed. The tests are just that - tests. It is a question af how you take the test -so if you are not a good test taker then take them a few times so you know how to take the test.

If you think about it - the concepts used to take the test are the same as when you train for a marathon or a dance or a task that requires a tremendous amount of concentration. You focus, prepare, breathe, plan and execute. Most important, you have to look at the task as something you can achieve in the time that is allotted. You have to believe and not get overwhelmed by all that is happening.

There is a technique to study and a technique to do well. It all boils down to planning, literally to the last minute. To make it challenging, you give yourself only 50 minutes. When you are under pressure - your brain learns to make decisions in a small amount of time. Then you further break it down to each section and number of minutes per question based on number of questions.

The trick is not to dwell on each question but to spend only the planned time on each question - so if you still have not figured it out - move on and come back later. Now you know why you gave yourself only 50 minutes?

So are these tests on how well you will do in college? Umm no -All it shows is your basic understanding of language and math, do you follow instructions and how good are you at taking tests?

So how well did yo do your tests?

Endorphins make you happy

That is the truth - endorphins make you happy. But working out after almost a month sucks! Where did all those random muscles show up from - I thought I knew where everything was.

The hardest part about getting back into the running is getting back into the running. I had to drag myself and put my feet into those expensive running shoes that I am still justifying to everyone and force myself to go to the gym.

That was the hardest 30 minutes of my life - Sheesh! The weather is great but I figured running on a treadmill will at least let me keep track of the time and distance. I am supposed to be running by time now, not distance to build stamina.

You know the worst part about it - the legs start aching and protesting and just as you get into that comfortable mode - your blood vessels decide to start pumping more blood - next thing you know the hives start. I don't know about others but those hives was my reason to not run. Wait, you have yet to hear the worst - it takes 25 minutes for those hives to show - that means your most comfortable point is after that.

OK now that the whining is over - I am happy - I have to since I exercised, which produces endorphins, which makes you happy. Anyone have a problem with that?

Romance

There is nothing wrong in believing in Happily Ever After. I am a die hard romantic. I get made fun of a lot because I believe in romance. I admit, it is my guilty pleasure - reading romance novels. But I have to defend it - it makes you look at the world in a whole new perspective.

I don't think there is anything wrong in believing in romance -just because other people don't believe in it does not mean it does not exist.

Reading those romance novels is like opening Pandora's box. It gives you hope that the good things in the world do exist, there is abundance for everyone and the good people do win. A positive person cannot survive in negativity for long, they cannot gossip about people and find pleasure in other's misery. When you are in a situation like that it drains you, you are exhausted and depressed. Watching the news is just as depressing - all you hear is of plane crashed, deaths, murders and scams.

So now you say that in real life you have problems - well, in almost very story there is a hero and a heroine and there is a conflict or many conflicts. It is the resolving of the conflicts and the process that they take to resolve the conflict that makes it interesting. Of course it does make it fun if the hero is tall and dark and handsome and rich but at the end of the day it is the person inside that counts - what kind of character he/she is and how does he/she perceive the world. the interesting thing is art imitates life - a lot of those stories are based on people that do exist. For a writer - it is such freedom to create the character you want and make it behave the way you think it should.

I have heard many a time that life is not fair - but life is fair, you just don't know all the facts. In a romance novel - the facts all are presented to you at one time so the conflict resolution is easy.

Some say it is an escapism - but then so is television isn't it? A good escapism is my mind. I get to meet all these characters that I had no idea existed and I get to find out how they resolved a conflict and I don't have to wait till next week or ads to find out what happened next. Sounds like a plug for reading doesn't it? Hey if the shoe fits...

Passing Judgement

Sometimes I wonder why being good takes so much effort.

It is so easy to criticize and pass judgement on others especially when we don't have to be in their shoes. What is it about human nature that makes them want to be one up on every body else?

Look around you and take note of the conversations in your head and the comments that come out of people's mouths. It is always about why someone is doing,saying, wearing or making a decision about some that you did not like. What is interesting is that if you were in the same shoes as the other person, you would probably make the same choices, so what's the big deal?

Why does that happen? When people do that - they are projecting their own unhappiness to the universe. Why are people unhappy - because they want to be in a different situation and are fighting the one they are in now. So what do you do? Stop fighting the situation and go with the flow - you are much more likely to drown if you fight the current than if you go with the flow.

So how do you stop passing judgement? Understand that everyone has a purpose in this world. For each person they are where they are because of the choices they made. There is enough abundance for everyone so there is no need for you to be envious of the success of any other person. They got where they are because of their hard work. Be happy for them and good things wil happen to you too. Try it and see.

Get out of your Comfort Zone

When you work for a a fast paced aggressive company, you are constantly trying to prove yourself. It works very well for Type A personalities where they thrive on being on the edge. However for those that are not Type A's there is something to learn from that.

Being in a situation where you are not comfortable means you have to learn, learn quickly and pretend like you know it all and show it. I have found that works not only in a fast paced aggressive company but also in all aspects of life.

Nobody likes a whiner - it gets you down after a while. You get tired of listening to the same sob story over and over again. So if you are the whiner, stop whining, learn from your past and move on. It is hard for some people to do that, really hard.

If you walk around like a doormat - life will treat you like one. So stop being a doormat. Stand up for what you believe in, have faith and keep doing. After all how do you know where you stand unless you actually do something.

And while you are doing what you love, don't be afraid, smile and have fun. And when you look around you and see that people don't want to talk to you or they start talking about you - then guess what - you must be doing something right after all.

Carpe Diem! Seize the Day!

Decision time

Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball so that I could tell my kids if the choices they made are the right ones. Sometimes I wish I could tell if the choices I made are the right ones.

This time of life is hard - both for parents and children. This time meaning summer before senior year of high school. It is time to make that crucial decision - which college to go to. Unlike when I was growing up - there is more than just plain academics that are involved. Academics does play a major role but there are other factors that are involved as well - the essay, the extra curricular, the leadership skills - all of that and more.

We have gone on so many college tours - after a while it all blended together. We have talked to so many people in so many positions at colleges including professors, counselors, admission committee members - but none of them could give you a straight answer - it all depends - was the common answer to the question - will I get admitted to this college.

The decisions you make at this time is important - early decision, early admission, binding, non binding - you plan and calculate what you want, where you want to go, how far is it, big school or small school, urban or rural, public or private - so many decisions. The colleges are narrowed down, the application is out. This is the summer of essay writing - where you put on paper why you think you are the best student to go that school.

I really wish I had a crystal ball but I don't. So all I can say to those in the same boat is - believe in yourself, don't listen to the naysayers, put your heart into writing those essays and keep working hard even in your senior year of high school because it ain't over till it is over.

A Celebration

It was an emotional occasion, a graduation party for a senior going off to college.
I am sure for most grad parties - the occasion calls for friends, food and games. But Indian grad parties tend to be a family affair. They invite not just the kids but parents and family from far and wide attend.

This particular party was a special one, mainly because of her accomplishments in spite of having a brother who has autism. Some of her accomplishments include having a 4.0 GPA which helped in her getting a scholarship to the medical program, learning Bharatanatyam culminating in her arangetram and raising $25,000 for Team Autism during the Detroit marathon.

Why did this celebration affect me so much? Probably because it made me aware that if you want something bad enough, you can achieve it - you just have to work towards it and have the right attitude.

Having a brother who has autism means that a lot of your parents attention is diverted - yet that did not stop her from getting a 4.0. Coming from a north Indian family that does not understand Tamil did not stop her from pursuing a style of dance that culminated in her arangetram -which is a huge achievement. Her love for dance and perseverance got her through. The love for her brother and creating an awareness for autism so that a cure maybe found is what goaded her to help in organizing the Team Autism for the marathon.

When her family, that had traveled from all over the world - Hong Kong, Canada, India - along with family from around the United States, came up to say how proud of her they were - it brought tears to my eyes. So much hope they have in this child and so much she will do - because she is determined and her heart is in the right place. We are so proud of you Nina. May you succeed in everything that you do and God Bless.

Giving back

When you give more, you get more. I never really believed it. When I was younger, I remember my Dad saying that in order to be successful in business, only if you spend, will you be able to receive. I thought that was an excuse to spend.

But now that I am older - I see the wisdom in what he used to say. When you say spend more - it is not just money - but time too. When you learn something, you go back and teach, when you earn so much more - you give back in money, when you feel you have accomplished so much and feel fulfilled - give back in kind.

I see that in the blogging world as well. As people get more and more successful, those who truly believe in that of giving back - offer it in kind - be it advice, discounts or freebies that normally you would have to pay big money for.

I see it now, happening more and more around me and feel glad to know that there is nothing wrong in doing something because it makes you feel good. So give more and the universe will provide for the rest.

Opposite of Fear

I was reading an article on the web that talked about people's biggest problem in the world. It is the one problem that dominates most people's lives and it affects anyone and everyone in some way, shape or form. That problem is fear.

People are so afraid of life, of losing your family, wealth you don't do anything. In fact fear is a human emotion but in order to succeed in life you have to confront your fears. I remember reading the book 'Letters from a Father to his daughter', a book that was a collection of letters from Jawaharlal Nehru, the first prime minister of India to his daughter Indira Gandhi. He wrote those letters while he was in jail, one of the many times that he was arrested during the freedom movement.

On one of the occasions, they were taking a walk during the monsoon. While the young Indira decided to step around the puddle so as not to mess her shoes, her father asked her why she did that. The he reminded her that the puddles are like the problems that you will face in life. In order to overcome your problems will be solved when you confront them and work through them.

Fear is the same. You have to work through it and confront it, deal with it and move on. That is what makes you successful at life. And how do you combat fear? With Faith. When you have absolute faith nothing can come in the way. Diseases that are caused by fear and anxiety are dissolved when you have faith.

Confront your fears and have faith.

These shoes are made for running

I did, I finally did get my new pair of shoes. I know a couple people who will be happy, my physical therapist for one, who has been threatening to yank my old shoes off my feet and throw them away on my behalf.

Buying the shoe was a tough choice on two fronts - on one hand it meant that I had to commit to the running - after all they said I would get 300 - 500 miles out of these shoes - so if I run 10 miles a week we are talking 30 weeks - hey not bad eh?
On the other hand I had to give myself permission to pay for these expensive shoes. That was hard to do.

Most of us are value conscious and in the process we tend to settle for the lesser quality for the sake of price. But I have noticed you get what you pay for. You buy shoes at Payless, it will last only 3 months, 6 months max - that is why you paid less for it.

As you get older you don't want to take a chance with injuries, actually you never want to take chance with injuries at any age, but the recovery time as you grow older is longer. Why chance it?

So what did I find, I am not a pronator or a supinator, I have beautiful arches so i got a regular shoe. The best part is I get to try it in the gym for a week and if it does not work - I can return it. Pretty neat eh? Will keep you posted on any updates.

Hypocrisy

Leo Tolstoy wrote Hypocrisy in anything whatever may deceive the cleverest and most penetrating man, but the least wide-awake of children recognizes it, and is revolted by it, however ingeniously it may be disguised.

You can fool most people but usually children and animals can sniff a fake a mile away. Usually the kids have no qualms about saying it out loud too. As an adult you programme yourself to react to your surroundings. You behave in a manner that you think is accepted by those around you. But when you have one rule for yourself and another rule for others - you are a hypocrite. And a child sees it right away.

So if you are raising conscientious kids or you are a role model for kids you should be walking the talk - other wise don't talk. Children need rules to guide them and they need role models to look up to. But if the rules are changed only for certain people and their role models have feet of clay then you as a role model will lose respect and getting the same back is highly unlikely.

Walk the talk, mean what you say and keep your promises - maybe then you will be held in high esteem.

It all work s out in the end

Isn't that the truth? Sometimes you wonder why is it that those who hardly work get all the credit and those who work really hard never get any at all. Have you noticed those who were in your face and obnoxious when they were young are quiet and actually nice when they get older?

It is hard when you have to explain to your kids why the world seems so unfair. But it really doe work out in the end. It is just that you don't see it. you cannot control everything and sometimes it is required that you work for really hard for the things that you want really bad.

In everything that you do there is a lesson to learn and there is a reason why things happen - you just don't it at the time. There are times when everything is so unfair you just want to scream but screaming never solves any problems anyway.

I guess the best revenge is living well. But therein too - the living well should be because you want it not to take it out on anyone else.

And in the end it all works out.

Happy 4th of July

You know it is the 4th of July because there are fireworks and barbecues firing up everywhere, bug spray is selling like hot cakes and teenagers are up late since they don't have to go to school the next day - yup its summer too.

The newspapers, websites and TV talk about the importance of Independence day but I feel somehow after 233 years it has become more of the official celebration of summer than the importance of Independence.

You have to agree we have come a long way - it sure took a while before women got the right to vote and it will be a while before we elect a woman president but at least we have a black president - that sure took a while.

We are busy fighting wars in other countries and helping them gain independence. You have to give credit to the men and women of the armed forces for doing their job and keeping our borders safe along with helping other countries gain independence.
Not easy following orders when you may not agree with the philosophy - it takes a special training for that.

God Bless America and happy 4th everyone!

First impressions

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Isn't that the truth?
It does not matter if you are an adult or a child, going for a job interview or speaking to the public, teaching or being taught.

I have to keep reminding myself and my kids that you never know who is watching. How you carry yourself is a representation of who you are and how you were brought up. How you react is a reflection on your character and values.

In the Hindu philosophy, you learn about detachment. Do not get attached to the fruit of your actions. So when people get upset it is usually when things do not go their way. When you get upset in public, it is not the others but you who looks bad. Why? It is because it shows lack of control. You never know who is watching.

So now you know why your mother always says 'Behave' before you leave the house.

Full circle

Its never complete till you come full circle. And that applies to everything.

When you first learn something - it is new, then you become the expert and then you have to give back for what you learnt. One of the pledges that we learn says that service to the people is service to the supreme self. I am sure you have heard of the phrase that goes if you are unhappy go help someone who needs the help and you will feel so much better.

It is all about giving, or giving back for only when you give do you get and you get it back in abundance. Pretty neat philosophy eh?

Some schools ask you to come and teach to give back, some ask you to fund certain programs, some ask you give scholarships. Some places of work ask you to go to the schools and recruit, some ask you to go and speak on career day and some ask you to go and mentor kids - all in all I think it is great way to give back.

Pay it forward

If you have not heard of this concept - I am sure you will soon enough.

When you have a little bit of prosperity or good fortune - you make sure you share it with others who need it. I never paid much attention to it until we had the dance program this weekend. Now most people have no clue what all goes on backstage, until something falls apart. A lot of coordination between the sound, light, curtains etc is happening between the control booth at the back of the auditorium and the back stage. That is just the stage part.

Then you have the dancer who has to go back stage in between items and she needs the touch up and water and morale boosts before she goes out again. The crew backstage changes every time - the last person who was on stage is the one who is backstage the next time. This gives them a chance to return the favor the the next person who is on stage plus it helps since they know how it felt to be at the receiving end. pay it forward.

Now in the Detroit area - the Goodwill Industries have something similar - you put a dollar in an envelope and sign your name and pass it on. Each person puts in a dollar or more and passes it on to the next person until you have 25 people. Once that happens you mail the envelope to Goodwill industries. They will use the money for retraining, for those who were laid off. A noble gesture in an area where the layoffs have hit hard. You never know when you will be a recipient of that help.
Pay it forward.

Quick update

Today is July 1 - officially 6 months of the year has passed and I wanted to see where I was with my goals of writing.

Well, so far I have written 117 posts which leaves with another 174 to go. At this point I have yet to write more than I have already written. Since I have 180 days to write a 174 posts - I should say I am still within range.

I have to say I have enjoyed this exercise of making sure I have completed my writing for the day. It is habit forming, once you start it is difficult to stop.

As far as the rest of my goals - being happy and smiling more - o most definitley happening - after all happiness is a state of mind. I feel like 25 again and nobody can dictate how you feel right? Now, if only I could get the rest of the world to look at life like that :)

Being a parent

During a discussion, the topic of being accountable came up. What would prompt an adult to put blame on other people rather than accept the fact that they were wrong?
You have to learn to be accountable for your actions. That is something your parents strive to teach you.

I remember my parents telling me that somethings you will not understand until you are a parent yourself. I see that now. There is blood tie to your child and no matter what kind of person they are, their joys are your joys and their sorrows are your sorrows and you will do whatever it takes to make sure that they succeed.

So when an adult acts like a spoilt child - it just makes me wonder if they have ever been in a situation where they had to think of someone other than themselves. Being a parent makes you responsible and accountable for everything that you do. It also forces you to put somebody other than yourself above everything. Give up sleep, take off work, work two jobs - do whatever it takes.

Being a parent makes you appreciate sleep, good health and quiet time.

I don't know

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter." – Lewis Carroll.

I think the above scenario happens so very often in every stage of life to so many.
A lot of times we look to others to tell us what to do. And when they don't tell us what we want to hear - we get disappointed.

If we know what we want to do - it makes it easier. Then even if problems come up, we look at it as opportunities and work from there. But if we have no idea what we want to do, then you have to try out different things before you know what works.

But if there is no passion - nothing works. So now to keep trying.

Perfection

I think along with everything else in the world, even perfection is a state of mind. I went to a dance graduation last night. It was an Indian dance graduation - where the student has to perform a series of numbers - solo with a live orchestra. It usually ends up being a 3 to 4 hour event. Of course getting to this point takes years and years of practise and at the end of it all - it boils down to what happens on stage.

So, the dancer is practising, the teacher is practising, the singers are practising and all the other people come together to put a phenomenal show together. But a lot is happening back stage - the lights and sound coordination, the sound for the instruments, the makeup,the costume change, managing the show so that one item flows to the next and the coordination between the singers, the dancer and the drums and cymbals.

Now, a good student is one who has learnt all that the teacher has taught and is able to connect to the audience and take it to the next level and a good teacher is one who has imparted all the knowledge and taught her student how to handle the knowledge that is given. In the program yesterday I think both the teacher and the student met the mark of being good student and teacher because of how the dance was perceived. Perfection in dance is not just doing what you have been taught but when you go beyond that and transport the whole audience into another realm. In my humble opinion - the dancer was able to do that.

There were hitches, like in every program - but handling crisis in spite of everything is what makes the show go on. In the dancer's mind - it was not perfect, in the teachers mind - it did not come out the way it was planned - but at the end of the day - you look at - was it complete, did you connect to the audience, did you learn from the experience?

It is a hard pill to swallow when you have worked so hard and it does not come out the way you want it - but you learn that not everything is in your control - it teaches you humility. This experience may have far reaching effects to both the student and all the others around her.

There is a reason why everything happened the way it happened but we will never know, at least not now.

Make it Happen

I have written about this before, but I am constantly amazed when certain things happen. Actually I should not be amazed because did I not want it that way in the first place?

It is the conditioning of the mind that you are brought up with. Some people are brought up with skepticism and doubt - a reason why children cans see and understand the para normal more than adults. Children are psychic -actually most humans are born with a sixth sense but it is not developed since it is ignored.

So how does one make things happen? Focus on that thought form, visualize it, feel it, see it happen - and it really does. However, do not wish harm on anyone - cause it will usually backfire on you and come back one hundred fold.

Does it work with everything? It most certainly does. Be it parking spaces, conducting certain events or just meeting people - it works.

So try it and see.

The Paranoid Optimist

Have you ever heard of the paranoid optimist? Well, if you have not - you can meet one here, namely, yours truly. Now you may ask - would that not be a pessimist?
And I would answer - no. There truly is a difference.

A pessimist is one who always sees the glass half empty. They see the misery versus the joy in everything. Where as an optimist looks at every thing in a new light. They see the glass as half full and enjoy everything they do.

So what is a paranoid optimist. Very simply - sometimes they just cannot believe that good things can happen to them. So they look at the good things that happen and wait for something or someone to say something against it while it is still new. However if that does not happen - they enjoy the moment.

Isn't that what you should do anyway - Enjoy the moment!

Pet Peeves

I had no idea that some things bothered me. I think I am a pretty easy going person, you know go with the flow. But lately I find myself getting ticked off with people for reasons that apparently bother just me. I am sure there are others that feel the same as me but I had to write it down. So here are my top 10 - doing it David Letterman style

10. Rude children - I am sorry if your parents did not teach you any manners but please do not be rude to me. I am the adult and I don't have to put up with it.

9.Not replying personal emails or voice mails - I called or wrote to you because there was a reason. If you do not have the courtesy to return my calls, then we have nothing to talk about do we?

8. Adults being rude to kids - Hello! you are the adult here, how do you expect to gain any respect or be a role model if you behave like that?

7. Not returning borrowed items - if you took something of mine, please return it. When I take something of yours I take care of it like my own- so can you please do the same?

6. Being fake - Don't tell me it looks good when it does not. Go on, tell me I can take it.

5. Hypocrisy - so one rule for you and another for everyone else? I don't think so. Walk the talk otherwise get out of the way.

4. Cussing - so you think you are cool because you can cuss a blue streak? Guess again - you just lost all my respect for you because you just lost control. Try again.

3. Taking advantage of children and old people - Please, why don't you find someone your own age instead of picking on the babies or the elderly.

2. Taking everyone for granted - don't do that, it ticks people off.

1. I cannot stand it when people break their promises, especially to kids. If you are not planning to keep it - then don't make them in the first place.

So do you have any?

Secret to being Successful at work

When you go to an office of high repute and you see how the people work, sometimes you say to yourself - I can do that. Then you find out what kind of qualifications and training people have and you see that they have the highest qualifications, from Ivy League schools, many certifications - but when you look at their jobs it is something you can do too and you don't need all that stuff backing you.

But it does not work like that does it? I never figured that out until I was looking for a job and finally when I landed one - the feedback I got about my predecessor was not pretty. The education and experience definitely sets you apart and that is what is used as a filter.

But here is the thing. Once you are in - then all factors are nullified. It does not matter what school you came from, what language you speak or how old you are. You are all in one big team now. But now is when the hard part begins. Your secret to being successful depends on how you work with the rest of team based on what the culture is. Follow the leader, if there are differences, find a common ground. Get the job done, don't make promises you cannot keep, be upfront. Hey, isn't this all the stuff you learn as you grow up - what you call building your character, having integrity.

That is what it is - the kind of a person you are in life following the same values at work too. It is who you are and how you approach a problem whether inborn or trained.

Learning from kids

Some things you learn when you grow up but sometimes you see things in kids that is so amazing you have to learn from it.

5 year old Kruthika lost her tooth and was very excited that the tooth fairy gave her a dollar. Avinaash, her 31/2 year old brother, came running to hear what the commotion was all about. When he found out that his sister got a dollar he wanted to know where his was. "Sorry", said his dad, "you have to wait until you lose a tooth."

"That's OK, when I lose my tooth I will get a hundred million dollars." Hearing that Kruthika asked,"So what about me?" "You already got your dollar, but when it is my turn I will get a hundred million dollars." Feeling totally sidelined Kruthika started crying about not getting a hundred million dollars when she loses her tooth.

So, what have I learnt from this? You have to hand it to this 3.5 year old, he has nothing in hand but he is so confident that he will get a hundred million dollars, that he made the child who had money cry. Street smarts or amazing self confidence - either way I want to hang around him. I might learn a few more things.

Happy Father's Day!

If you ask anyone outside the United States about father's Day - they would not have a clue. Technically there are only 6 holidays a year that everyone gets. However there are a slew of other holidays that we call Hallmark Holidays - a phrase coined so that you have an excuse to buy a greeting card from Hallmark - the greeting card company.

I never thought of the importance of having a dad, I just assumed you have to have one. After all isn't a family a mom and a dad and kids? So every time I heard of a family that lost their dad - I felt sad for them but never realized why.

Now as I look back I see who I am and how I approach life is based on the interactions and conversations with my Dad. Honesty, integrity and courage of conviction is an integral part of every decision he takes. And always keep your promises otherwise don't make them. When I make decisions I try to use the same approach.

For every girl, her Dad is her hero. At that age everything looks so big - so many things to learn - swimming, riding a bike, playing soccer, basketball, cricket, climbing a tree or building a tree house - he was there. Not to forget the intellectual side of things - reading, writing and 'arithmetic - he was there for that. So much to discuss at the dining table - business, politics, life - he was an integral part of that too. Talk about ideas, not people - he says even now. Time I spend with my Dad is precious - he was always busy - but he always made time. Everything that he did was adventure. I wanted to be part of that. Today he is still having his adventure and now he asks me when will I make time for him.

Dads are like the foundation, the solid rock that is there beneath your feet while you try and scale new heights. You do well and they cannot stop bragging about you, they want you to go beyond what they ever have and they will do anything to give you want you want, but you do stupid things and they will tell you how disappointed they are in you, you don't follow instructions and they badger you until you do, you do things without telling them and they are hurt, yet they always love you for you who you are, after all you are his child.

So for all the years we had before and all the years yet to come -

Happy Father's Day Pappa!

Finding a job in this economy

Let me tell you that finding a job in this economy is not easy. Having been a victim of layoff, it puts a tremendous pressure on you and it does not help that you feel miserable too. Most people will have a 'Why me?' attitude. Honestly I was more relieved than anything. I was getting to the point of burn out and this was my out.

But then finding another job was not easy. I never realized the social stigma it carried - especially for men. I guess their identity is related to their jobs. I know of guys who stopped socializing because they did not want to admit that they were laid off. But in Motown, this is more of a norm than an exception - the lay off, that is.

So while looking for that other job - the traditional method does not help since it is overflowing. You look for a job in the paper and send in your resume - there are 1000 applicants for 3 positions. Why? because there are many over qualified people. The last job fair they had for engineers had people standing in line for more than 6 hours and they still did not get to speak to a recruiter. So what do you do?

1. Apply for unemployment
2. Talk to you everyone you know
3. Network in your professional organizations
4. Keep checking
5. Have faith

1. First things first - if you have been laid off - go apply for unemployment. At least use whatever government sustenance that is being provided until you find something. That is the advantage you have in this country - the government will help you out.

2. Talk to friends, colleagues, your doctor, dentist, teacher, neighbour, your spouse, your children's friends parents, your family in other states. You never know what you may find. Of course moving to another state is hard, but if you find a job there - isn't it better than not working?

3. If you are part of a professional organization, make sure you network. Go to the meetings and the social events. You may never know who you meet or what you find that may catch your attention.

4. Don't just ask once and forget about it. Call back, bug your friends, check the unemployment job bank, look at postings. If one company said no openings now, that does not mean that it is never an issue. Things change, budgets get approved, work needs to get done so they need people. Keep calling back - you may never know when the time is right.

5. Have faith. Keep thinking positive, after all if you keep trying you have to succeed at some point. Your timeline may be different from the universe but you just have to keep doing. This too shall pass.

Keep looking cause that job is out there.

Peer Pressure

I am sure you remember how hard it was to go against the peer pressure. You always went with what your friends thought of you. I would say now that you are older and wiser that it does not matter any more. But the reality is that before you were young and foolish and now you are old and more foolish.

It does not matter - you are an adult and now it is the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. This is evident especially when the newspaper articles are all about learning to cope in this tight economy. The articles in the newspaper are telling people in bold letters to go apply for unemployment. Stop trying to be brave and get the support while you support the family.

The articles are reiterating that there is nothing wrong with reducing your Starbucks and getting coffee from home, bring your lunch instead of buying lunch, and cutting cable so that you can feed your family. There is nothing wrong with teaching your kids the value of money, there is nothing wrong with standing up to your friends and telling them you would rather go home and eat than go out and eat.

I guess if adults are finding it hard, how do you expect the kids to learn from it. After all they learn by example and watching you - not what you tell them. So it does not matter if you are an adult or child - have the courage of conviction to stand up to your beliefs after all character is built during adversity.

Its Summer Vacation!

You can say that again. I can hear the parents groan as they try and figure out ways to keep the kids busy and I can hear the kids groan as they are told to do stuff.

What a joyful time of year - the birds are out in full swing, the sun rises earlier, the days are longer and no homework. Wait, actually I should take that back - there is plenty of homework - how much is assigned by the teacher and how much by the parents is a different issue.

If you ask my preteen he will say summer is one long weekend. Play video games, watch tv and do nothing. There was a time when summer vacation meant going to see grandparents, jumping in the lake, climbing trees, going on a picnic, watching movies, staying up late and telling ghost stories. I think it still is - its just that you have to take the time to plan and make sure it happens.

So what else can you do to recreate the summer of your childhood? I have to include camping, watching movies outside, lying on a hammock and drinking a tall glass of iced tea, gardening, the fragrance of jasmine, running through the sprinklers, writing with chalk on the sidewalk, blowing bubbles, biking, eating watermelon and having a seed spitting contest to name a few. What triggers your memory?

False Evidence Appearing Real

Have you heard that before? The acronymn for that is FEAR. The opposite of faith, the stealer of dreams, the biggest culprit that makes you doubt yourself. Franklin D. Roosevelt said that you have nothing to fear but fear itself. After all fear does not exist anywhere except in the mind.

I never realized how paralyzing fear can be until a couple years ago when I was in a new job and had to support the family. Failure was defintely not an option but the fear of failure was weighing on my mind. Now when I think about it I wonder how I survived - no sleep, no food, constant anxiety and at one point even the feeling of gloom and doom as if you are buried in a deep hole and there is no out. I remember feeling so alone and paranoid and no matter what I did it was never enough. It was the fear - constantly in my head - the what ifs - the feeling of letting everyone down.

I remember calling my close friends and family trying to get a sense of what to do - how to cope. When I started thinking of not waking up the next morning, and I got yelled at by my loved ones for thinking so foolishly, I knew I had to shake myself out of it. After all I was a positive person and how come I alllowed myself to become so fearful.

The constant rhythm of 'this too shall pass' in my head helped me get through. Never under estimate the power of prayer and good friends and family. At that point I truly understood that it never really matters how much money you make or what people say. It is about how good you make another person feel or how you can help them.

Even though I would like to forget that experience, it is one that I will never forget. Conquering the fear is what makes you stronger. When the lesson is learnt a new lesson begins. When you go with the flow it all works out.

Today I am in a similar job, but not fearing, just going with the flow. I am learning the lesson and hopefully when this lesson is learnt a new one is on its way.

Control

Everyone seems to want it, half of them cannot keep it and the rest are fighting for it - I am talking about control.

When you look at history, wars have been fought and kingdoms have been razed because of it. I guess it is part of human nature to be in control - but there is a limit to it too. You have to know when to let it go and when it really matters.

People get sick when they are not in control - but some things are just not meant to be. There is a rhythm to the universe. Follow the rhythm and everything will flow. Fight it and you will be fighting everything coming at you.

Don't you love it when you go on vacation and you can just sit on the water and not have to worry about anything. Life is the same way - there is flow to it - just sit back, relax and enjoy! It all works out in the end.

How you do one thing is how you do everything

If you have ever heard the adage 'how you do one thing is how you do everything' - you should know it is totally true.

I never realized it until someone mentioned that to me and I started to be conscious about it. How I approach a problem is how I think, is how I analyze, is how I keep my room, my bathroom, my office table, my kitchen counter, my house or the folders in my email or the directories on my computer or my purse.

Hee hee hee - if any of you know me you know you will find anything. But the way you keep stuff is a reflection of your state of mind. So if you have a million plans running through your head - you can be rest assured you have a number of half finished projects also around your house.

Now I never thought you could unlearn that messy way - but you can. Ask any engineer. There is a method to their madness. Every task is broken down into samller achievable tasks and analyzed and completed. No new task is started until the previous task is finished.

If you are the kind that needs small frequent meals you probably work on numerous projects for short periods of time. Your stamina can only keep you going for so long. But if you are the kind that needs 4 solid meals - you probably work on some heavy duty projects and your energy is sucked up by that.

It has to do with the kind of energy that surrounds you - the calm kind or the restless kind. Your personality dictates it - however in order to make the change you have to first recognize it. They say that after many years of marriage the spouses start to behave like each other - I guess as long as it is the good stuffit is fine.

I have to say that I find a less frenzied aura when things are kept where they should be, plans completed, beds made, counters wiped, documents filed and files organized. I just ahve to get used to it.

Youngsters

George Bernard Shaw was right when he said "It's all that the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date."

It suddenly hit me as we go graduation party hopping that I am going to be short one teenager next year. Which means my younger one will have to figure things out on his own. I don't think that hit any of us until today.

Poor guy! I am not sure how much facebook and phones are going to help, but from what I have seen - not a whole lot. This was a one year notice into how things are going to be - we have to plan accordingly. I had to ask my high schooler to give me tips on what to do to survive. She was giving me tips. She may have to write a book on how her brother has to survive high school.

I don't know how parents with more than 2 children handle it. Every time I miss a date or deadline because of an overwhelming schedule, I feel guilty and miserable thinking I failed them. I wonder how the parents with 4 and 5 kids manage. They must be extremely organized and have lots of help.

I wait to hear from the kids on all the things that go on - the new technology and gadgets that most teenagers cannot seem to live without. I do rely on them t keep me informed. As far as shocking me - I think every generation just gets worse. It is a question of what you will put up with and what rules you have. And no matter how much they whine , kids love rules.

So as far as surviving high school - how do you do it - plan and execute with extreme care. I wish all of us the very best.

Graduation Season

The month of June and July is extremely busy with a flurry of graduation parties.

In this part of the world, the tradition is to host an open house for high school graduation. Friends drop in, say hi, give a token gift, eat food, see the pictures and go to the next grad party.

Interesting observation was that if you go to the American grad parties - the guest are all kids - meaning the friends of the graduating senior. There are no adults - meaning there are no adults accompanying their child to a friend's graduation party unless of course it is to an Indian grad party.

It must be the culture, cause everything is a family affair including the grad party. It truly is a mixed crowd - cause you have the non Indian kids who come alone and the Indian kids who come with their parents. Most of the kids dress casually while some do dress up. There is tons of food - after all the teenage crowd is a hungry one, and volleyball to keep the kids occupied and of course chai.

I was chatting with another parent when we were wondering where the chai was. It was on the table earlier but seemed to have since disappeared. Not finding any in the vicinity, I went and asked the help and came back with a steaming cups of chai. Never underestimate the power of chai. I had people come up to me asking me where I found the chai - there is just something about a cup of steaming hot chai on a cool summer evening that makes it just perfect.

As we sipped our perfect cup of tea we were struck with the difference in the generations. This class of 2010 have no fear. The world is their oyster and they have grandiose plans. We, growing up, I know had plans too but for some reason it did not sound as lofty as the current graduating class. It must be the age. So bold, so carefree so idealistic.

This was the first time I heard of a doctor not wanting his son to follow in his footsteps. He did not want his son to be saddled with a 300 thousand dollar loan and with no guarantee of a job especially with health care going the way it is now. We as parents must do our duty and make them aware of the pitfalls of certain decisions.

They all have lofty goals and plan to do great things I wish them all the very best of luck - after all they are the future.

Milestone 100

I had to write about it because this is my 100th post this year.

Just like the press talking about the President's one hundred days in office and kids celebrating 100 days in school - I am celebrating my 100th post this year.

So what have I learnt?
Write everyday, write from the heart and if you want something bad and really focus on it - nothing can stop you - not even God.

Writing is cathartic - when you start writing you start with one thing in mind, by the time you are done - it is something else.

I am excited about my blog - I have connected with friends, people are interested in reading what I have to say and I get to write every single day and find my voice.

I still have 191 posts to go to meet my goal - but in the meantime I am going to celebrate this milestone.

Nothing is certain like death and taxes

A kind of a morbid title - I know - but that seemed apt when I saw the headline 'Woman who escapes death on Air France flight is killed a week later'.

Sad, she was killed in an automobile accident in a foreign country. It tells you that if some things are meant to happen - it will no matter what.

The eastern philosophy talks about doing good deeds to build good karma - that will help you reduce your suffering but death is something that even God cannot stop - after it is already ordained.

So is there a way out - not exactly - you live your life to the fullest, live in the now, enjoy every moment, do not look back and regret but look forward and be happy.

And after all that maybe you will come back but for those of you who do not believe in reincarnation - live your best life now!

What ever happened to world peace?

What in the world is happening to everyone? You hear about white supremacist killing because he hated the Jews and people in Australia hating the immigrants and beating them up.

Why can't people just live and let live? If you work hard, you should get rewarded. If you don't work then don't expect to get rewarded. Why do you have to get rewarded just because you found a way to beat the system? And why is that something to be proud of anyway?

A few years ago the world was huge and people and countries were very far away. But in this day and age with computers, twitter, Facebook and a score of other social networking the world has become so much smaller. News travels faster, be it good news or bad news.

Today, you may be of Indian origin and may never have even been to India. You could be Black, Jewish and live in Netherlands - it does not matter. The boundaries of race, country and religious background have blurred. There are inter religious, inter racial and even same sex marriages. Get with the program people or you will become like Miss California who got fired. Of course the official reason was for not stepping up to the plate.

What does it matter what the other people are doing as long as they are doing an honest day's work? If you are unhappy about something, it is because of something within you. Help others and you will feel better. Not beat and kill others - violence never really solved anything anyway. Did it?

The Dreamer

We were young and spoke of dreams

of far away places and big things to come

We pondered and planned

and never worried of how it would work

Life has its way of testing our resolve

with people with a shallow mind and attract our attention

If we pass or fail depends on the path we take

But did we fail or was it just meant to be

There were so many things to do, places to go and people to see

and all those interactions made us who we are

Are we not a sum total of our experiences?

But in all that time I never forgot any of my dreams

I still ponder and plan

And I realize that I never really stopped dreaming

Making a man out of the boy

My son always wants to know when he is going to hit puberty. Being a year younger than everyone else and shorter than most puberty has yet to catch up with him.

While all the other boys are growing tall - his legs are definitely getting long, because I have to get him new pants. While all his friends voices are breaking, his is still very much a high pitched voice. He is waiting for the time when he has a mustache and he can shave - he has been practising but that does not seem to accelerate the process.

In my mind he is still my baby - but he is in such a hurry to grow up. And I want him to be prepared. Having an older sister definitely helps in the socializing department. He gets the lowdown on all the fashions, movies and latest gossip. But what happens when his sister has gone off to college? He has to be prepared to face the world and survive. Growing up is tough.

So we had decided that this was the summer we would do it - make a man out of him - by learning to cook. There is an underlying reason for this you know - girls love guys who can cook. Of course it was suggested by the expert on what girls like - his sister.

All jokes aside - I am a firm believer that everybody should know how to do everything. You don't have to do everything but you should know how. For boys - it is learning to cook and do laundry. I also expect boys to treat women with respect and not cuss in public.

I always thought it was the father that boys emulate - and they do. Fathers are their heroes but it seems like it is the mom's job to guide them in that path. A woman's job is never done.

If I knew then what I know now

I was at a class when I heard the teacher say 'if only I could go back into my childhood and relive it knowing what I know now, it would be so cool!'

I agree. The first thing I would tell my parents is not to compare me to anyone. (Actually I did but they never listened.) I would tell them to compare me to the me from yesterday. Am I not a better person since yesterday? I can totally see the look on their faces.

I would be the coolest person if I knew Parkinson's law then. I knew about Peters' Principle but I missed the one about Parkinson - you know the one that says that time and complexity expands to fill the time you have allotted to it. So if I had known about it - I could have saved myself so much misery and just finished the work - instead of worrying about it.

Which brings me to to the next one - worry does not get you anywhere. You lose sleep, some lose hair. I lose sleep, still have most of my hair - but I just thought that because the adults always worried, it was the adult thing to do.

Energy follows thought. I wish I knew that. I would have been thinking amazing things. Actually I did, I just did not know it.

I am sure if my mother saw this right now she would say - 'Isn't that what I have been telling you all these years? Why didn't you listen?'

I thought I did mom, but I can hear you now.

Watching and waiting

Sometimes it seems that GM was used to set an example for the rest of the world. Hurry up and fix your problems or we will fix it for you.

The worst recession definitely did not help and every day that passed GM was getting deeper and deeper into trouble. So after a thorough tongue lashing from Congress, the government stepped in and provided the required funding and help on the condition that they have to meet certain requirements. It was a tough negotiation but on June 1 2009 General Motors, a company that had turned 100 years old, filed for bankruptcy and was taken off the NY stock exchange. It was history in the making.

For the next few months all eyes will be on GM or Government Motors, as it is called in whispers, to see if they really can survive. But will they? Of course they will, they have to. After all there is a whole industry relying on them to be successful. Why I say that GM was used as an example is because none of the other car companies are exactly rolling in dough. They are also having similar troubles as GM except they could get the funding that they needed without it being broadcast on national television.

I think GM is going through now what would have happened 5 years into the future. Bad decisions, and being complacent in the market place would have forced them to downsize and become competitive. This whole saga was a shake up to the entire automotive industry. Get up and do something before somebody else does it for you.

This whole transition is hard on a lot of us who live in the Midwest and survive in the automotive market. But it is a wake up call to most of us - reminding us that we cannot be complacent in life - whether it is our work, family or life.

Keep innovating, bring in fresh ideas, stretch yourself, shift your paradigm, move your cheese and you will be ahead of the game.

Best of luck GM! We are all waiting to see you come out of this with flying colors.

Memory

Isn't it odd the things you remember? For some you remember things from the long ago that have been etched in your brain, for others the experiences from the past have been erased and you only remember the here and now and for some you only choose to remember what you want to.

I fall in the last category. Maybe it is human nature - you remember those experiences that were pleasant. The brain catalogs it and keeps it safely. Be it a smell, a food, a thought, a picture,a scene,a sound a color or a song. Then at some point when you encounter something similar - you have this feeling of dejavu and wonder why it is so familiar.

I never questioned why I remember certain things and not others. I thought everyone did that. But much later I realized that everyone remembers something different. I cannot remember what outfit I wore last week - but I know plenty of other people who will tell me that. Unpleasant experiences were wiped out from my short term memory and stored in cold storage. But the brain has the ability to bring it to the forefront when you are in a position to handle it.

Unpleasant experiences in my childhood bubbled to the surface once I reached adulthood and I was able to deal with it. Pleasant memories stick to you throughout your life. Every time I smell jasmine it transports me to a world of warm summer nights. Some dates ( mm/dd/yy kind of date) never leave your head either.You only know it is important, but you don't know why you remember.

There must be something with the number 23 - cause that seems to be the number of years for me before past memories bubble up and start to make sense. But the date makes sense now - the date is a birthday of a close friend from high school.

I wonder what else my memory has in store for me.

What if....

What if you could change the past - what would be the one thing that you would go back and change?

When you are a teenager you are still trying to figure out who you are and what your strengths and weaknesses are. You still don't know who your friends are. Don't they say that adversity brings out the true character of a person? How do you know what your character is? How do you if you are making the right decision? What if you make the wrong decision? How would it affect your life or other people's life?

What answer would you give to the questions above? If someone says 'I did not have a choice' - wrong answer. We all have choices. Every decision you make you have a choice. Depending on the choice you make determines the path that life takes on.

Can you change the past? No. But you can make sure you never make the same mistake again. You can sincerely apologize for your stupidity. And you hope your kids learn from your mistakes.

Isn't that why pencils have erasers? So you can fix your mistakes?

Are you a mean mom?

I remember an article talking about being a mean mom and how good it is for your kids - cause that is what keeps them safe.

I never realized that until my daughter talked to me about her out of town school trip. Now she is not exactly the neatest or organized of people and like most teenagers she needs to be told a million times before she actually gets up and does what she is asked. However, while she was on this trip - she was the one who kept trying to pick up and keep the room clean. She said "I kept hearing your voices in my head to clean up and I could not sleep until I did."

That is when I realized that the constant repetition does get through their heads eventually. There was a time when I was tired of hearing the sound of my own voice, repeating the same thing over and over again - but I am glad that I still do it.

Kids love order and rules. If they don't have it - they have no idea what they are capable of. Most organizations have rules. You cannot live in society and expect to get away with not following rules. "I want to go to a school that has rules- so that I can break them" - says my rebellious teenager.

So have heart - if you are the kind of parent that repeats the same request until it gets done, are strict about curfews, want to know who their friends are, you are their parent and not their friend, monitor what they watch, say or do on the web, let them know when you are disappointed in their behaviour, expect them to meet certain expectations - that's okay - your kids really do want it - they just don't know it yet.

Time flies

When you send out a query to the universe, you can be certain you will get an answer. A few weeks ago I was thinking about my high school friends and wondered what they were up to. The reason for thinking about them was a discussion between my high schooler and definition of 'friends'.

in high school - friends seem to define your existence. But what happens after high school has nothing to do with them. You go to college based on your interest, pursue a career based on where you want to go or what life dishes out along the way. You may or may not keep in touch with your friends. Some innocuous remark by some random person in high school is probably what fired up your passion or dimmed what what you wanted to do. Now as you look back more than 20 years since you graduated high school you wonder where you are and what have you accomplished.

How do you define success? Do big titles and lots of money define you? Or does the size of your house or number of cars define you? Or are you still the same passionate person who you were in high school? Are you still the same person who took people at face value and looked beyond their handicaps? Did you confine to the norms and do your duty? Or did you define your own path? Are you happy doing what you are doing or are you till finding out who you are?

For me success is a state of mind. Have I helped people? Yes. Am I judgemental? No.
Are you still learning? You better believe it. Does money and status define who you are? No. So are you still finding out who you are? Sometimes I know who I am and what I need to do but sometimes I have to ask that question - where am i going and what do I want from life.

So my query was answered. A couple days ago I get a note asking if I was the same person who they thought I was who graduated from high school that many years ago. As I get in touch with old friends it is going to be an interesting journey to see where they are and how they got there.

State of the economy and mens underwear

Who would have thought but apparently according to Alan Greenspan - the state of men's underwear is an indication of the state of the economy.

I really would not have thought of that - but I guess if the spouse did not replace it or you did not go out and get more meaning that you can hang on to a holey pair of stretched elastic and thin cotton for some more time - then you are not confident enough to go out and spend.

So I wonder what happens to the fancy women's underwear - of course for most of us we can never have enough underwear. I am sure there are those of you who would rather go out an buy new underwear than do laundry.

Michael Brush from MSN money talks about the odd indicators about the state of the economy. Some include the falling and rising of hemlines, the halter tops versus the blouses and baring midriffs.

I am sure if you look at how people look at entertainment will also give you an indication. The cheapest way to have fun - not that there is anything wrong with it - go to a park, have a picnic, eat hot dogs, buy ice cream ride a bike or play Frisbee versus going on a cruise or out to dinner.

I think the recession has given everyone an opportunity to enjoy the simpler things in life. Enjoy!

Patience...

...is a virtue. A very good character to have and very hard to attain. It could be almost a requirement for business, very necessary for teachers and for the current generation.

However it can be seen as non aggressive and taken advantage of. I look at it as if it did not happen it was not meant to be. In this day and age of instant gratification - it is rare that you see that kind of patience. Most people associate it being old - it could be since it takes practise - but it does have something to do with your inner peace.

If you mind is like a drunken monkey jumping from idea to idea - you will not have the patience to see one idea come to fruition. We don't even have the patience to cook food from scratch - we use the ready made and frozen dinners. having patience soothes agitated minds, helps business negotiations, produces delicious foods and gives a child a chance to learn.

So keep that in mind while you stand in your queue, slow cook or watch your child learn something new.

Chapter 11 - it is for real

Today was a very sad day. A historic day but a sad one. General Motors officially applied for bankruptcy and has been taken off the Dow Jones for the first time in 83 years. GM just celebrated their 100th year last year. It is now Government Motors - but not for long.

The only people who really understand the pain of what they are going through are those that are in the industry and their families. Fritz Henderson, CEO of GM (or would that be Barack Obama now since the government owns the company), was emotionally choked up as he gave the grim news to all his staff this morning. For most of the people who worked at GM there was a legacy - their dads, moms, family had worked there in some capacity and/or they were passionate about cars.

Now with plants closing and more jobs scheduled for layoffs, many suppliers are going out of business. They tried so hard not to go into Chapter 11 but it did not work. The pain and the humiliation is similar to when you lose your home after you have tried everything to save it.

But what does not kill you makes you stronger and this step in the history of General Motors is what will make it come back to life kicking and screaming.
Here is hoping for the best.

I love my age!

I am really excited - I am going to be in a fashion show organized for charity and I know I am going to look gorgeous. Interesting this is all those participating in this feel that the moms are not good hip enough to carry it off. Sorry to blow your bubble kiddos - but we are going to be fabulous. Sorry, could not resist. But it is true - I am going to look good cause I feel good.

It has to be something with the age. I like to think that I am like fine wine - get better as I grow older. I was talking to a friend of mine and she voiced what I felt - she said she feels liberated. We have been through the growing pains of marriage and adjusting, went through pregnancy and labor with the children, listened to the in laws and dealt with mid life crisis with the husband. And now when we women get together we are bold and sassy and have fun and look amazing and don't apologize for looking good.

It is the confidence - we've been there, done that and now life is wonderful. I wear stuff that makes me look and feel good and if you don't like it - close your eyes. Poor kids - they think the moms have gone wild and the hubbies - well - they are never gonna know what hit them.

So here's to looking gorgeous and feeling great!

Starting a new business

For someone who has always relied on a paycheck starting a new business is a major paradigm shift.

Maybe it is the economic situations that give arise to these ideas, maybe it is the increase in the number of articles that talk about having your own business that has ides mushrooming in my head, or maybe I have finally reached that stage in life where I am not scared of what people have to say anymore.

I was at the middle school and one of the teachers mentioned that one of the characteristics of an International Baccalaureate was to be a risk taker. That is what starting a new business is about. No fear - even if you have don't show it. No guts, no glory.

The lure of having your own hours, working late hours into the night knowing that it is for your own self, adjusting your work to accommodate your life is simply worth it.
But you go into business to make money - now just to make sure we make enough of it.

Teenagers

A teenager is defined as one who wants to be treated like an adult but are not expected to behave like one.
When I think about it - I think it is the hardest time of life - you are constantly under pressure to do well in studies, nobody tolerates your mood swings cause your hormones are going wacky in your system, everything you do is a reflection of how you are brought up and you have to become a well rounded individual so that you can get into college. A very tall order if you ask me.

But what stumps me is how do kids whose parents do everything for them get away with surviving when they go off to college. Maybe I am asking this a little too early since my teen is not yet in college or maybe I have not heard of those who did not survive or learnt it the hard way - yet.

I have taught my kids to be independent - but every child is different. What trick that works with one, definitely does not work with the other. As a parent you have to be careful that the younger one does not become a clone of the older one and you recognize their passions.

Passion comes from within - and the kids need to be guided to find that passion. Every child in this world is really good at something - as a parent it is our job to help them find it. Some kids are smart and find it on their own where as others need help. Some find it early in their life, while for some it takes a while.

For some parents there is a predefined path that they think their kids should follow. There is nothing wrong in that since they know that it works - but if your child is not passionate about that path and voice their opinion, as a parent it is imperative that you listen to them. After all if they don't want to become a doctor or engineer does not mean they are a failure.

Injuries - the bane for runners

Little did I know that a little discomfort to my ankle would cause so much pain.

Being a dancer and training for the half marathon it is imperative that your legs especially your joints are well looked after. Maybe it was an old injury or maybe it was just stress - when my ankle started to hurt I just kept my foot up thinking it would go away.

But life does not stop because you are uncomfortable and the body learns to cope. So I was hobbling around by distributing my weight differently so the weight was not being put on the area that hurt. As a result other muscles in my leg started to hurt because of the difference in walking. Now I know how people who have polio learn to deal with the way their cope because of the distribution of the weight.

RICE - Rest Ice Compression Elevation is the key - but to be honest I only did the rest and elevation. There are other home remedies that help like soaking in salt water that definitely helps.

But as a result I have lost a week of training - which means I have to start from scratch again. The important thing is not to hurry up the healing process because the injury can become worse. So bottom line - enjoy the time off to heal and then start again with renewed vigor.

The Art of Saying No

Have you noticed that saying NO is probably one of the most difficult words to say. Surprising, considering the first word that most 2 year olds thrive on is the word - you guessed it - NO. So why then is it so hard for an adult, who is probably extremely busy and has enough things going on in their life have such a hard time to say NO?

I think it has has to do with one of two things - either you don't want to deal with the hassle of negotiating and so it is easier to say yes or it is your personality and you really don't know how to say No.

I know of many women who have a hard time saying no (including yours truly) but that is because it is the nature of the person, you are used to doing things for others at the expense of sacrificing your own things. You are always afraid of hurting the other person's feelings. However you are going through major anxiety because you would rather be doing something else.

Maybe it is a woman thing - but I know many men who have the same issue. Some husbands are careful how they word their choice for fear of upsetting their wives, they need the wife to hang around and look after them (good choice!). And then there are some men who really don't have any problems saying no when a no is required.

But there is an art to saying No. When softening the blow with an explanation seems to work in a corporate setting. The dangerous part is when you don't say anything - because usually saying nothing usually is taken as agreement. It is always better to say something to the effect of - I still need to think about it - instead of keeping quiet.

Sometimes it is better to say No and be done with it - that way there is no question of procrastinating the decision making and you can move on - however there are some things that you really do need to think about before you say No.

However when my teenager starts a conversation with Can I ask you something - my response is usually - NO. Considering how many of those conversations start like that I am getting really good at saying NO.

Permission

It must be a control thing. Asking for permission and granting it. I know as a child you have to ask permission for everything. Not that you will be granted permission but it is good manners to ask. As you grow older - it is almost like second nature - where you ask permission but you don't expect to be denied permission - it is just courtesy.

Then you grow up (or if you read my last post - you age chronologically) and other people ask your permission. And it feels great. Wow! The power you have over some one else's decision making.

But herein lies the issue - when someone asks you what to do and you give an answer - you expect them to do as you say. That does not always happen. Sometimes they ask you because they want to know what you think. If you expect them to do as you tell them, then you are foolish.

But there is another aspect to asking permission. When you ask someone else's permission to want what you want you are giving away power. You cannot decide on a choice based on someone else's decision. It took me a long time to figure that one out. You make a decision and stick with it. Sure you can ask people, and they will tell you if they are for or against it, but that does not mean they are giving their permission.

You cannot get someone else's permission to justify what you want to do and then complain when things don't go your way. Asking permission to want what you want is an act of cowardice - which means you are not willing to take ownership of the consequences of your actions.

It is about the courage of conviction because even if the going gets tough - the tough keep going.

Growing up

Age has nothing to do with wisdom. Neither does growing up. Some are late bloomers and some learn young. If you are within the norm - it is expected however if you are an outlier, you are looked upon with reverence or laughed at - it depends on who is doing the laughing or the revering.

The hardest part about growing up is realizing that there are some things you cannot change - be it the society or nature and you just have to deal with it. After all the only person you can change is yourself. Once you recognize that, a lot of things become easier to deal with in life.

There is a difference in the eastern and western philosophy towards life. The eastern philosophy focuses on duty, following the path of dharma, doing the right thing, where as the western philosophy focuses on the self and what makes you happy. The children who are born here of parents who follow the eastern philosophy seem to have a handle on how to make it work - a good blend of eastern and western and they still seem to do just fine.

And those of us who were born and brought up outside the US thought we had it tough!!! I guess some things you can learn from your kids.

So what do you say to those outliers who are later bloomers?

Be happy, don't get angry, have the courage of conviction and whatever happens right now it is because it is good for you.

Entreprenurial spirit

Sometimes you have to be pushed to the wall before you decide enough is enough and decide to work for yourself rather than work for someone else. Sometimes you are just born with that independent streak and sometimes it does not matter what - you will always end up working for someone else.

I have seen it with myself and those around me in this economy, with my parents and those in their generation and among the young generation as well. The security of a job while working for someone else includes a regular paycheck and health insurance along with 2 weeks vacation a year. But didn't that bubble burst a few months ago when the entire economy tanked and the term job security became obsolete? So now what?

Necessity is the mother of invention. I truly believe that this recession has made entrepreneurs out of all of us. We are looking for ways to cater to a need, Obama is doing his bit by making it easier on taxes and affordable health care - right now at least, of course the banks are holding on to their money - so you are forced to do something where you don't need the bank.

In this day and age, where the Internet has opened up to a million different avenues to meet the demand of the consumer - the opportunities are endless. What separates an entrepreneur from someone who is not is the taking of risk and the absolute faith one has in his plan. There is no fear of failure. There is no fear. Period. Of course they dream big.

And for those who will never start something on their own - I guess they won't need to if they are needed in whatever capacity they are are in now. They are meeting some one's demand.

Once the entrepreneur bug bites,it never really goes away.

Make it happen!

There is something to Vision boards. I have been hearing it about it for a while now but never really put it into practice. But you may have noticed that once you are conscious of something, you see it all around you - be it in conversations, on the web, books or even hear people talking about it.

Writing down your goal or vision also has some power to it. Actually that is the first step to making anything happen. I noticed that once I started writing what I want from life - things around me began to materialize. Now it was a question of picking up and running with it.

But then there is the thought in my head that says that I should not, it is too fast, what if etc etc. You will see that the major difference between the people who are successful entrepreneurs and those who are not is the speed and conviction that they proceed with. Fear does not hold them back. They do not worry about what other people have to say about what they can and cannot accomplish.

Therein lies the difference. My teenager was upset cause she did not understand why everyone tells her she cannot make it to her dream college. Not that they have anything against her, they are just telling her what they have heard based on the facts.

If you really want something - go for it without letting anything else get in the way - focus on it and live and breathe it - write it down and put it where you will see it all the time and then it becomes a part of your sub conscious, imagine what it would be like to accomplish it, dream about it and you can be rest assured that not even God will get in the way.

Courage

I remember hearing somewhere that being courageous is doing something really dangerous without thinking about the consequences.

So I guess if you have to think about the repercussions of every single action - then you are a scared cat or just very cautious.

I am the only one who seems to be doing things in a way that nobody else does. My better half has no qualms in telling me that I never seem to follow the norm. I guess following the norm guarantees success in the way you do things because you can always see a pattern.

But what do you do if you march to the beat of a different drummer? People seem to see you as an anomaly. I guess I have always been that way - different from everyone. It is easier to keep quiet since nobody gets what you say anyway - but the world operates a different way. They seem to thrive on those who make the most noise or make the most money or make the biggest fool of everyone.

So what do you do - whatever you have always done. Think about what you want to do, focus on the positive and just keep going.

Week 2 - Day 10

Well if 3 miles was hard - 2 mile should be easy.
Ha! Tell that to someone who does not hurt.

I think it has something to do with the mindset. if you have to run 5 miles - the first and last mile is the hardest. But when you have to run two miles - the first and the last mile is hard - so that probably explains it.

My feet hurt - actually everything hurt but the bottom of my feet really hurt. The shoes probably has something to do with it. My physical therapist has threatened to steal them from my foot and throw them away - but I am hanging on to them.

Talking about shoes, little did I know that there are overpronators and supinators - it basically means how do you distribute your weight and land when you run - whether the arch collapses and turns inward when you run or if you are too rigid.

Based on how you run - you find shoes built to give you the comfort where you need it. Either the sole will curved, straight or semi curved. Now just to find the right kind of shoes.

Secret to Success

I think I found the secret to success. For some it may sound like common sense, for others it may sound like hooey but I think it is true and it works.

I was talking to my sister and talking about keeping rooms clean. Considering my daughter is very much like her aunt - she sympathizes with my daughter a lot. But what she said made total sense.

I am sure you have heard about how you keep your desk is a reflection of your state of mind. Some may agree and some may not - cause I know very senior people who have nothing on their desk because all the information is in their head. I am sure you have heard your mom tell you to make your bed - because making your bed makes the rest of your room look clean. However the secret to success is (drum roll please, ta da da da) keeping your bathroom clean.

Okay I can hear some of you laughing but think about it -if the place you go to keep yourself clean is dirty - then how clean are you anyway? Considering most people are obsessed about how clean the restrooms are and you actually get more germs from your kitchen sink than the bathroom - it should not be a surprise.

So anyway - I told my daughter this and I made sure my bathroom is spotless and things are definitely looking up. Try it and let me know if it has made a difference in your life.